


Black Dog

by CaitlinOcean



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Slips away from canon, then slips back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-06 17:20:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14061705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaitlinOcean/pseuds/CaitlinOcean
Summary: My boyfriend is an absolute dog of a human being.But man can we have fun.Snippets of marauder life before, during, and after the first war





	1. Sweet Sixteen

**Author's Note:**

> This work is the sequel to Energy. It's not completely necessary to read Energy first but, I'd love it if you did <3  
> Enjoy!

**Part 1**

**CELINE**

It had never been like this before. She was always coming and going with the rising and setting of the sun, the changing of the tides, the waxing and waning of the moon. Maybe there was no way to chart it, Merlin knows I’ve tried. She always came home though, after a day or two. I’d wake in the morning and she would be at the kitchen table, in the sun room, sitting on my bed holding my hands, like she was the type of mother who never left. This time though, I came home from school, and she wasn’t home, and she hadn’t come home, not yet, and today was the day. The most important day for her to be here. The day she never, ever let me down, until now. Which is how I found myself crying into the lap of my house elf. I heard the fire in the parlour spring into life and heavy boots stepped onto the hearth. The thud and clink of leather and metal could be heard as the unknown visitor walked anxiously through the rooms of my house and when the owner of these heavy boots found me he leaned in and took the weight I was carrying off my shoulders.  

**SIRIUS**

            She was sitting on the kitchen floor, sobbing into her knees. Cookie, her house elf, was running her fingers through her hair and working the strands into a braid. There were tiny puddles on the linoleum where her tears had run down the curve of her knee and dropped to the floor. Her floo had been closed all summer. I’ve tried every week, and then daily. She wasn’t answering anyone’s letters, not even Lily’s. I almost didn’t try the floo today. Her mother always does her birthday up big and this birthday was the mother of all birthdays. The big 1-6. The year her mother has been eagerly anticipating and Celine has been dreading. The fact that her mother was not here to celebrate it was fucked up.

            Sixteen is the year Veela get their venom and, full use of their powers. Celine’s have been slowly creeping up over the last few months. It started with Insomnia. She would sit at the windows and stare at the moon. One night, during a full moon, we caught her scent in the woods. She was on the other side of the lake, lying in the sand, bathed in the moonlight. A light spring breeze was pulling her scent across the water and it was all James, Peter, and I could do to get Remus back into the Shrieking Shack. Demands that she not walk around the grounds at night were met with a firm “bite me, assholes” but she did agree not to wander around during a full moon. She refused to tell us how she gets outside without getting caught.

            Right around the time we took our O.W.L exams her venom came in. Pouty red lips that lured you in and stung you. A natural perfume that fogged your senses and made you want to jump off a cliff to impress to her. Celine took to these changes like a cat to water. She was angry and aggressive. Anyone that looked at her too long was putting their life at risk. She spent half of May in detention for putting a seventh year Ravenclaw in the hospital wing after he whistled at her between classes.  

            And now, here she is, on the biggest day of her life, abandoned by the person whose fault it is she is in this situation in the first place.

“Come on.” I said, wishing the anxiety I felt didn’t come out in my voice. I leaned towards her and hooked her under her arms, pulling her to her feet. I needed to get her out of here, away from the hurt. My brain scrambled for ideas on where to go. The Leaky Cauldron, my house, Hogwarts, Uncle Alphard’s, Australia…all had their merits.

“Cookie, pack her a bag.” The elf hurried to do as I asked. Her head was on my shoulder and I could feel the venom creeping into my brain. I took a deep breath in and imagined I was blowing all the poison out of my nose.

“We’re Ok Celine, I’m gonna get you out of here.”  I said, rubbing her back. _Where to go! Think you daft idiot!_ I berated myself as I looked out her kitchen window, trying to come up with a solution while fighting off the goofy feeling the venom gives. There was a vase full of lilies on the kitchen counter. _‘Celine is lovely like a lily’_ my idiot boy brain helpfully chimed in.

LILY.

We would go to Lily’s.

Crap. Bugger. Fucking MUGGLES.

Lily doesn’t have a floo.

Severus has a floo.

I physically shook that thought out of my head. There was no way I would floo to Severus Snape’s house.

Cookie came back with Celine’s bag.

“Ok Celine, we’re gonna go to Lily’s ok.” I took my coat off and slung it around her shoulders. “I’m gonna get us there and we’re gonna be ok.” I picked up her bag in one hand and wrapped the other around her shoulders. She didn’t say anything. Her tears had slowed. I led her outside and the screen door snapped behind us. At the end of the drive I stuck my arm out and the Knight Bus came screeching to a halt just short of our toes. My heart was hammering in my throat but, Celine was unfazed. I handed her bag to the footman and helped Celine to her seat. I rushed back and paid the driver.

“You kids alright?” He asked, taking the money from my shaking hands.

“Yea, yea we’re alright.” I lied.

I joined Celine in the seat and she leaned her body against mine. I took another deep breath in and out through my nose as she rested her head against my neck and slid her arm around the small of my back. A fresh wave of tears soaked the collar of my shirt and her ragged breaths stung my chest through my thin T shirt.

“Shhhh” I tried to soothe. I started wondering if maybe something worse had happened to Celine. I squeezed her shoulder reassuringly and the arm around my waist hugged me back. We waited for our stop, holding each other and barely noticing the craziness that is a ride on the Knight bus. Somewhere on the journey our fingers laced together and I was feeling pensive. I thought about all the times Celine and I have saved each other from our families and ourselves. I thought about how Celine and I have never touched like this and something in me wanted to savor every second of it in case it never happened again. I hoped it was the non-poisoned part of my brain that felt that way.

Too long of a time later we arrived at what I could only assume was Lily’s house. Celine didn’t say anything to the contrary so, we started up the drive, she was still nestled close under my arm. I let go to ring the bell and she stood up a little straighter. The other Evans answered the door. She stared at Celine through narrowed eyes and Celine stared right back.

“Who invited you here” she spat.

“Your mother.” Celine whipped back.

“Petunia who is it dear?” A woman called from in the house.

“No one mum!” Petunia called making to slam the door in our faces. Celine threw her arm up so fast to catch the door both Petunia and I jumped.

“Get Lily” Celine breathed, her fingernails sank deep into the wood of the door. Petunia surrendered

“HEY FREAK!” She shrieked into the house, turning her back to us. “YOUR FREAK FRIENDS ARE HERE!”

  Lily’s footsteps came quick and loud and a second later her much more welcome face appeared in the doorway, confusion and excitement changed to worry and concern as Celine threw herself into Lily’s arms and began sobbing again. The two girls hugged each other hard. Lily’s eyes found mine. I shrugged.

 She cooed to Celine and waved me in the door. I followed the girls into the kitchen where Mr. and Mrs. Evans were puttering, finishing up the lunch dishes and wiping counters.

“Celine!” Mrs. Evans cried. “Are you alright?!”

Celine wiped her tears and shook her head no. Mr. Evans waved me over to the table and I heeded his call.

“Best let the birds handle this one.” He said holding out his hand. I shook it and said “Sirius Black, sir.”

“Ahh the best friend of the infamous James Potter?”

“The one and only.”

Mrs. Evans ushered the girls from the kitchen.

“Is Celine in trouble?” He asked.

“I don’t think so.” I wondered how much the Evans’ knew about Celine’s home life. About what she is.

“That mother of hers?” Mr. Evans asked, a deep frown creasing his mouth.

I nodded and leaned back in my chair.

“You were right to bring her here son.”

I let my chair fall back to the ground.

“Today is Celine’s birthday, her sixteenth birthday.”

“Is it now?” Mr. Evans said, scratching his chin. “I guess Mrs. Evans will have to bake a cake then and, if we’re having cake, we mind as well have a few more party guests, wouldn’t you say?”

I thanked him and ran out the door.

**CELINE**

“What if she never comes home? What if she’s really left?” I was immersed in hot bath water in the Evans’ blue bathroom. Thick soapy bubbles coated the surface of the water and tickled my chin. Lily had her leg up on the edge of the tub and was painting her nails while she listened to my sorry life story.

“Are we mad about that?” She quipped. We laughed and I blew bubbles her way. “What kind of a state did Sirius find you in? He looked a wreck.”

“Crying on the kitchen floor with no one but Cookie.”

“ahhh.”

“She’s been talking about this birthday all year. It doesn’t make sense.”

Lily shrugged and screwed the cap back on the polish. “You’re here now.” She said quietly, smiling warmly.

“I’m here now.” I agreed. She left me to my thoughts and I stayed in the water a long time.

When I finally emerged from the bath I dressed in Lily’s room. Cookie packed my bag perfectly and my heart overflowed for that darling elf as I pulled on my favorite shorts and softest white tee. Out of habit, I picked up my brush and turned to the mirror but quickly turned around. Lately, my reflection showed the Veela and the Veela liked to preen. My stomach growled for what felt like the first time all month and I smiled.

A shriek from Lily sounded throughout the house and my heart hammered with excitement. I know that shriek! It’s the sound Lily makes when she’s about to throttle James! I ran down the stairs two at a time and bounded into the kitchen. Laid out before me was a tableful of sandwiches and chips and a simple birthday cake with the numbers 1-6 on top. To make this vision complete all four marauders and Lily were gathered around the table.

“Happy Birthday!” They cheered.

“How’d you all get here!” I asked through the crushing hugs.

“Sirius yanked us out of our beds.”

“It was 1 o’clock James!” Remus said.

“Exactly!” James answered, unfazed.

“Did you all take the Knight bus too?”

“Remus and I did.” Peter said. “Sirius picked James up on that _thing_.” He shuddered.

“She’s not a thing Pete!” Sirius barked.

“What or who is it?” I demanded.

“My motorcycle.”

“His _flying_ motorcycle.” James corrected.

“Take me for a ride!” I asked turning to Sirius.

“No.”

“Don’t make me plead, I’m quite convincing nowadays.”

“Later, later let’s eat.” He reasoned, pointedly turning away from me and my tricks. I wished I hadn’t said anything.

I sat next to Lily at the table and gloried in the chaos that is eating a meal with the marauders. Peter was sat between Lily and James which was both an excellent choice and a bad one. Excellent because it kept James alive. Poor, because he was caught in the middle. Remus was to my left and his energy rolling up my spine was messing with the Veela. Memories of private moments with him kept bubbling to the surface. Thoughts of his hands holding me tight to him and the feel of his lips made my heart race and my breath hitch and the Veela reminded me:

_‘if you want him, take him.’_

I pushed her down, hard. There would be none of that. Sirius was directly across from me. I felt him watching me and when our eyes met he smiled. I matched his grin and my heartrate sped up again.

We laughed, oh Godric Gryffindor did we laugh. Being with the five of them was how I always imagined having family would be like. Cousins who you couldn’t wait to see every holiday, siblings who pinched and teased and put rocks in your shoes but, went to bat for you every time anyway. The people who knew your every flaw, every sour mood, and loved you still, that’s what they felt like. I didn’t know it yet but, over the next few years the people surrounding me on my 16th birthday would shape my entire adult life.

“Sirius let me drive the bike.” I said, walking over to the window and looking for it in the driveway.

“Absolutely not.” 

“You let your girlfriend on it.”  

“James isn’t my girlfriend and I let him ride it not drive it.”

“Does James always ride it?” Lily asked quirking a devilish eyebrow.

James turned red and began stuttering.

“She never said James was your girlfriend.” Peter pointed out.

Sirius leaned back in his chair and I could feel his eyes slide over my body.

“Do you guys remember when Celine only wore parka’s?”

Peter and James laughed and while he was distracted by his audience I slipped out the front door. The bike was in the driveway, high sloping handlebars, chrome lovingly polished, leather oiled, keys left in the ignition by her cocky owner. I hopped on and kicked her into life.

 

**SIRIUS**

I heard the engine roar and I actually looked around the room for that she-devil before I moved because I really couldn’t believe she had duped me. I scrambled to my feet feeling like Padfoot when he tries to run too fast on tile and bounded out the front door.  I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw her. She was actually on my bike, looking at me with adventure in her eyes. I wanted to fix this image in my memory forever. Celine, daring me to come and make her get off my bike, platinum locks blowing in the wind, long legs strong and bare. Years later, I would look back on this June day and think to myself ‘I think I loved her then.’

She revved the engine and I snapped out of it.

“Celine!” I yelled, ordered, begged.

She hit the gas and held up a peace sign, legs kicked out on either side. I ran after her and just managed to hop on the back as the tires left the pavement and the bike soared into the air. I slid into place behind her and relished the feel of our hips fitting so closely together. I got a mouthful of her hair and struggled to spit it out. I grabbed the handlebars and she let go. Immediately, She held her hands out like a bird and let out another whoop. I couldn’t see her face but I imagined she had her eyes closed and a smile on her lips. With a stretch to the heavens she settled back quickly and unexpectedly against me. Her shoulders leaned against mine and our cheeks just brushed and it was somewhere up here, towing the line between friends and more than friends, that I felt peace for the first time, in a long time.

“Let’s keep going all the way to Australia!” She yelled.

“Australia’s the other way!”

“Turn around then!” She laughed.

  I took us back to the Evans’ instead. We entered the house windswept and smiling and Mrs. Evans dimmed the lights while Lily lit the candles. We sang happy birthday to a radiantly happy Celine. I thought the morning seemed like a different lifetime. I watched her close her eyes and make a wish and just as she blew out the candles, her mother apparated into the room.

“Ah, shit.” James swore.

“Celine! I have been waiting for you all day!” She trilled, swooping in on Celine and fussing over her.

Hot, angry, bubbles popped in my gut.

“You weren’t home so I left.” Celine stated.

“It’s your birthday darling, I was coming.”

“You haven’t been home at all, how was I to know.”

Edahna said nothing and greeted us all, the chilly response did not go unnoticed.

“Really, what has gotten into you all?” Edahna asked. Without waiting for an answer she continued “Celine, it’s time to go home.”

“No.” Celine said. “I’m not going home, I’m going to stay here with the Evans’, this way I don’t have to be alone.”

“You won’t be alone, I’ll be there.”

Celine said nothing. After a minute of silence and staring between Celine and Edahna, Celine got to her feet and began thanking the Evans’ for the party. My friends protested. I was shocked into silence. Was Celine seriously believing that her mother would be home with her this summer?! She hugged me goodbye last.

“Thank you for everything.” She whispered in my ear. She turned away from me, snapped her fingers, and was gone. Edahna did the same, leaving a faint gold shimmer and five teenagers with very long faces, behind.

That was the last we heard or saw of Celine for the rest of the summer.


	2. Caged

**6 th Year, Start of Term**

I could be a Veela if it weren’t for the Lust. The constant, never-ceasing lust that sat hot and liquidy in my belly waiting for someone to catch my eye so it could consume me. The lust that set fire to my nerves and made me yearn to be touched and kissed and caressed when all I wanted was to be left alone. But I promised myself I would have control. So, when I awoke on the first day of term and no longer had my mother watching me I breathed deep and closed my eyes. I imagined this body I was attached to that was burning and aching was stone. I imagined every inch of myself turning to cool, smooth, marble. I could no longer push the Veela down so I pretended to brick her up instead. I smiled thinking of her beautiful fists beating on the walls of her brick cage.

            When I was no longer flesh and blood but stone and brick, I was ready to face the day.

And the days passed.

Slowly, so, so slowly, I made progress. My venom faded, my lips paled to a very human pink. It wasn’t easy keeping all this magic locked up inside. I was quiet and tense. My appetite was gone. When my friends badgered me I stopped seeing them. I had to focus on my goal. Not even my studies were as important as stamping out the Veela.

Lily and Sirius were the only ones who could still get through to me at all. Lily would come up from the dining hall with slices of toast with butter and jam and set it down without a word and before I knew it I was happily engaged in conversation and munching on the toast. She wouldn’t say a word when I crawled into her bed at night because I was dying for closeness and comfort.

            Many nights, I didn’t sleep. I would read in front of the fire or gaze into the flames for far too long. Sirius often sleepily appeared in his expensive pajamas and would flop onto the couch opposite me. We would talk into the small hours of the morning and James would tease him about it the next day. If I wasn’t so focused on destroying myself I might have noticed that Sirius was also currently taking a sledgehammer to his own.

 

**SIRIUS**

            I can’t believe James is making me sneak out of the castle to get drunk at the Three Broomsticks. When I complained to him about it he insisted that this was an emergency and we had to go.

“How is this an emergency?” I stupidly asked.

“When have you EVER not been in the mood to A. Sneak out of the castle and B. get drunk?!” He pointed out, validly.

An hour or so and several drinks later he was pointing out all the things that were wrong with me lately.

“…no fun, half-hearted ideas for pranks, and the only tail you’ve chased this year is Padfoot’s!”

I grunted out a laugh at the last statement.

“Seriously though mate, we are very concerned about you.”

“Don’t be.” I growled.

“Too bad fucker, Rosmerta, two more please.”

She clicked our way and poured two more pints and two more shots.

“Haven’t seen you on many dates in here lately Sirius.” She winked. “All the girls at school catch onto you.”

“Something like that.” I said raising my glass to her and ignoring the “I told you so!” look James was currently giving me. 

James and I knocked our shot glasses together, tapped them back down to the bar, then swallowed them in one fluid motion. I let the shot marinate while I sorted through my muddled thoughts.

I haven’t been answering my mother and father’s letters which is an enormous no-no. I’ve received two howlers and I couldn’t care less. I heard a lot of funny things this summer. Saw a funny guy with red eyes at a midsummer party. A guy who made the pureblood community whisper excitedly and send the children from the room.

Regulus and I were at odds all summer. He picked up my moodiness and threw it right back at me. We haven’t talked much this term. With a jolt I realized Celine is usually the one who brings Regulus and I together and she hasn’t been socializing much lately.

Then there was my love life, which is, was, and always will be a train wreck. Until recently, that train wreck was all part of the fun. I lived for the chase and the drama and the pleasure seeking thrill ride that is wooing a young woman and the resulting explosion approximately 2-4 weeks later was like watching the grand finale of a fireworks show. Awesome.

In reality, this was all James fault. At the end of term last year we all sat down for dinner and James noticed they were serving Shepherd’s Pie.

“This is Lily’s favorite.” He said casually.

And that simple statement resonated so deeply inside me I was (almost) put off my dinner.

“What’s the matter with you?” Peter asked, his eyebrows knitted together in suspicious concern.

I looked to my left and right for an ex-something. Marlene was closest to me.

“Oi, McKinnon!” I yelled.

“What?” She yelled back.

“What’s my favorite food?”

“The fuck should I know Black?”

I was distressed and I didn’t know why. I searched frantically through my brain for someone I didn’t have a superficial relationship with.

“Fried chicken.”

I snapped my head around and Celine was climbing into the seat next to me. Smiling and happy.

“But you always choke on the bones so, it’s a love-hate relationship really.”

“That’s right.” I said, quietly.

“What’s my prize?” She teased.

“A lifetime of giving me the Heimlich.”

“I am getting quite good at it.” She said, laughing before turning to talk with the girls.

Since then, I’ve been off my game. The summer started off strong but again and again I was left disappointed, disgruntled, and dissatisfied with myself so, I stopped. In typical Sirius Black fashion however, I also didn’t do any further soul searching. Which is why James Potter is holding me down, forcing alcohol down my throat, and making me talk about feelings.

I sighed deeply. “I want _more._ ”

James sipped his beer and waited.

“But I also, don’t want what everyone else has.” I continued, my face twisting into a grimace.

“…Are you going to clarify that at all or no?” James asked after a minute of silence.

I sipped my beer and said “I don’t want basic, I don’t want normal. I don’t want some snotty bitch who ties me down, stuffs me in a suit, and turns me into a stiff. I don’t want kids. I don’t want a family. I don’t want to sell my motorcycle.”

James snorted into his beer. “Is someone making you sell your motorcycle?”

“If I date some snot she might!”

“Ok, what do you want?”

“I want someone who I can say ‘come on! We’re doing this really fun and slightly dangerous thing!’ and she’ll take my hand and run with me. She won’t try to stop me, she won’t pause, she won’t say ‘I don’t know’ she will take my hand and run with me.”

James thoughtfully swilled the beer at the bottom of his glass.

“I want someone who will travel with me, who will stay in 5 star hotels or sleep under the stars, someone who can keep up with me, someone who keeps _me_ on my toes, someone independent and smart and beautiful.”

I stopped and drained my beer because emotions are hard.

“Someone like….I don’t know…Celine Bell?” James said with an enormous shit eating grin on his face.

I glared at him and then returned to my empty pint glass.

“Celine’s my best friend.” My gut squirmed when I thought about the way our hips fit together on my motorcycle. But it was my heart that squirmed when I thought about holding hands on the Knight Bus.

“So what! I WISH Evans was my best friend. It is my biggest hope, no, my biggest dream, that one day Lily Evans and I will be best friends and lovers.”

I laughed so loud Rosmerta looked our way.

“Did you just say LOVERS.” I yelled so everyone would know James used the word lovers.

“Yes I did and I don’t care who knows it!” James yelled back.

We dissolved into laughter and James clapped me on the back.

“Better?” He asked.

“It’ll do.” I said getting unsteadily to my feet and stretching.

“Stop hitting your brother and write your mother.”

“No promises.”

**CELINE**

I think I may have gone too far. For many weeks now, I had reached a perfect level of control. The veela was quiet. That magic was calm. My schoolwork and social life were just the price I would have to pay if I wanted the veela gone. Merlin, did I want her gone.

This week, the scales tipped.

Color left my cheeks. My lips were white. My hair which usually held a magic and vibrancy all it’s own, was dull, brittle, and dead. Where before I had strong muscles and healthy skin I now had bones. On the morning it would happen I went to breakfast alone. I was jittery and confused. Something was swelling, swirling, and crashing inside me. I felt like the ocean. Later when my body was no longer starved and exhausted I would understand that what I was feeling was magic. Magic that had no outlet for months building up and looking for a way out.

I sat down at the Gryffindor table and blacked out for an undetermined amount of time. None of my friends were at breakfast yet so, no one helped me. When I finally came to, I struggled to my feet and out of the great hall with the idea it would take me a very long time to get to the Charms classroom. On the staircase, several things happened very fast. A group of first years were running and one of them bumped into me hard enough that I wobbled on the step. My reflexes didn’t kick in and I felt myself falling through the air. When nothing broke my fall, when no one grabbed me, fear coursed through me. That fear was the match that lit the fuse and I exploded.

…

I opened my eyes and immediately realized I was in the hospital wing.

‘fuck’ I breathed. What the fuck did I do.

There was something heavy laying across my legs, warm and comforting, like a big dog that snuggles you after a long day. I lifted my head and Sirius Black was using my legs as a pillow. He looked rumpled, like he hadn’t changed or slept in a proper bed in a while.

“Sirius” I said gently nudging his shoulder.

He snapped up to a seated position.

“What! What?” He looked about him and wiped the corner of his mouth. I laughed and his eyes settled on me, slow smile on his face.

“Haven’t heard that sound in a while.” He said softly.

“What happened? What day is it?”

“You’ve been unconscious for a week.”

This information echoed in my brain.

“have you…have you been here for a week?” I stammered.

“Almost. Lily, the other Marauder’s and me, we’ve been taking it in shifts. It’s usually James or I at night with the cloak.”

Tears pricked the back of my eyes. His hand inched towards mine across the blankets. Just as our fingers were about to brush Madam Pomfrey ripped the curtains back.

“You’re awake!” She said and the relief she felt was palpable. She shooed Sirius to the side and began pouring potion after potion out. She checked my temperature and my pupils. She sat me up and when she listened to my lungs she said “quite the vigil you’ve had this week Miss. Bell.” I smiled at Sirius and said nothing.

“Mr. Black why don’t you run and tell your friends the good news. You all can come back after dinner. Quietly!”

“As you wish, Poppy. He said with a wink.”

“Out!” She yelled. But when she turned back to her tray of potions there was a small smile on her lips.

I drank my potions without complaint.

“What happened?” I asked when the last one was gone.

“I think that’s what you need to tell us, Miss. Bell.”

My throat suddenly felt very dry.

“The headmaster will be here later today to talk to you. Try and rest before then.”

 I settled back into my pillows and tried to think of what to tell Professor Dumbledore. Before the first thought was fully formed, I was asleep.    

…

When I stirred next, Professor Dumbledore was seated at the foot of my bed, beard and robes flowing, unwrapping two candies as if he had nothing better to do than sit and wait until I awoke. The sun was high in the sky and the hospital wing was filled with wintery light.

I sat up higher on my pillows and Dumbledore smiled at me, eyes crinkling over his glasses.

“I am very relieved you are alive, Celine.”

“I guess I am too, I didn’t think my life was in danger.”

Dumbledore popped a candy into his mouth and after one thoughtful moment said “I suggest that you tell me honestly what you were thinking because, what has happened to you is something very rare indeed.”

“Do you know about Veela, Professor?”

“Yes I do.”

“No, I mean _really_ know about Veela. Not just the short description in _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.”_

“I know a bit more than what the encyclopedia tells me.” He assured me. “But am open to learning more.”

“It’s horrible being a part human.” I whispered. “I’m the puzzle piece that doesn’t fit. Nothing is ever right about me.” I paused and blinked back tears. When Dumbledore said nothing I continued “I turned 16 this summer and all my powers came in, my venom came in, and the Veela makes me _crazy_. Crazy in ways I’m not comfortable discussing with my headmaster.”

I heard the tease to my voice and just like that the Veela was back. All that work, for nothing. I stopped talking, frozen in disbelief.

“Are you alright Miss. Bell?” He asked.

I gave myself a little shake and in my head I screamed the answer to his question.

_No, I’m not._

I wiped more angry tears from my eyes and tried to continue. “I’m sick of it. I refuse to be controlled by the Veela. So, I’ve been pushing her down, boxing her up, controlling her. I want her gone.”

Dumbledore blinked three times very quickly and I could read he was calculating what to say. I could also read that something I said was exciting to him, and he was trying to hide it.

“What has happened to you, my dear girl, is this: using nothing but sheer force of will and mental strength, you stifled your powers so successfully that your magic was no longer flowing in a healthy way. All that magic built up inside you and last week, when you fell down the stairs, that pent-up magic came rushing out of you. Magic that was so strong and volatile that it took down half the staircase and several suits of armor. It put three other students in the hospital wing and it is nothing short of a miracle that it didn’t kill you.”

I looked at Dumbledore and said nothing.

“That isn’t the only miracle.” He continued. “You are not two separate beings, Celine, you speak of yourself as if there is your human soul inside you _and_ the spirit of a Veela. This is not so, you are one, your magic is one. A force this strong could have broken your powers permanently and at this time, I can’t say your spell work will be the same as it was before.”

Fresh tears rolled down my cheeks and Dumbledore patted my leg.

“Your magic has been upset. It’s like a broken bone that has long since healed but, still twinges in bad weather. If you attempt to stifle your magic again, you will not be so lucky next time.”

“Ok.” I choked.

Dumbledore waited until I had dried my tears and I could read the excitement on him again.

“Educate me Miss. Bell on the magic of Veela.”

I sighed and stared him right in the eye. I made a fireball in my palm and Dumbledore’s eye’s were shining behind his glasses. It was hard to keep the fire going so I stopped. My arm dropped heavy to the bed.

“Easy does it.” He said, kindly.

“I can apparate different than a wizard. I can read people…trick them.”

He raised an eyebrow in question and I became very suspicious of why he wanted to know these things but, I kept going.

“May I?” I asked reaching for his arm. He stretched his arm towards me and I pushed up the sleeve of his robe. I wrapped my hand around his forearm and sent anger coursing through him. He yanked his arm back but, I held tight. I sent happiness his way and he relaxed. I let go.

“Interesting.” He mused.

“Veela speak with their bodies. So I am very good at reading people’s body language. I pick up on all sorts of things. That’s what I mean by read people.”

He met my eyes this time.

“and what do you mean by trick people?”

“My venom hangs around me. I control it sort of but, I don’t try to do anything with it. I try to make it go away honestly. But if I did control it, I could send it your way right now, you would breath it in and you would think all sorts of silly thoughts about how pretty I am and not even notice that you were giving me O’s on all my papers.”

I smiled and showed my teeth even though I knew he wouldn’t see how sharp they are.

He was thoughtful again and I felt no better. I felt I hadn’t even scratched the surface about what being a Veela is like.

“I’d like you to talk to someone about your troubles Celine. Have you opened up to anyone about what you’re going through? Your mother maybe?”

I thought about my summer with my mother.  

“Have you met my mother, professor?”

“Right, a teacher? a friend?”

“My friends, sort of know…”

I trailed off as the aforementioned entered the hospital wing. Lily ran ahead of the boys and threw her arms around my neck. She hugged me hard and my cheek felt wet. I hugged her twice as hard back.

Dumbledore locked eyes with me and nodded. I got the message loud and clear. Lily would understand. He said good evening and left, leaving me in the care of my friends.


	3. Crazy Fool

**SIRIUS**

            Things were starting to go back to normal, I mused during the last 15 minutes of Transfiguration as October came to a close. I looked around the room at the failures of this exceedingly difficult lesson.

Exceedingly difficult if you’re not me, that is.

My eyes slid to my left where Celine was rolling her wand between her fingers and reading a paragraph in her textbook. Since the incident, her powers were mercifully spared with the exception of Transfiguration. A difficult subject anyway, was now impossible for Celine, and if  she doesn’t make progress by Christmas, she may not be able to continue the N.E.W.T level class in the spring term.

The bell rang and the class filed out. Celine grabbed her empty birdcage and approached McGonagall’s desk. I filed out into the hall with my friends. I looked back over my shoulder at Celine and as the door to the classroom shut I felt grumpy and mean. I snapped and growled at everyone, I pretended to miss my target in defense and got Snape instead, Peter left in the middle of dinner taking the last chicken leg with him. Remus gave me a long disapproving look and claimed he had had enough to eat as well.

“Fuck ‘em” James said, wiping his mouth and throwing his napkin down on his plate. “I’ve got Quidditch, see ya.”

I trudged up to the common room and did some homework. When it became too crowded I slumped up the stairs and collapsed into my bed.

“Padfoot?”

“What Pete.” I said, words muffled in my pillow.

“Remus and I er… have a theory on…”

“Theory on what.” I snapped.

“On what your problem is.” Remus said assertively.

I turned around and sat up in bed.

“Oh so I have a problem, well fucking enlighten me boy-o’s.”

“You like someone, a lot, and you’re shaking in your boots.”

I scoffed. Me. Scared of a bird. Never.

“Piss off.” I said making to roll back over into the comfort of my pillow.

“I bet you 10 galleons if you went downstairs right now you’d find Celine and the two of you would pillow talk long into the night and you would come back up here happy and pleasant.”

“You just lost 10 galleons sir.” I said stomping back down the stairs to win a bet.

Hours later I re entered the dorm, happy and pleasant, a completely different fool than I was after dinner. As I settled into my blankets and closed my eyes the exchange between Moony and I came flooding back to me.

“OH MERLIN’S BEARD” I cursed.

Moony’s smug chuckle assaulted my ears.

“Busted.” Peter taunted.

**CELINE**

            There is a seventh year girl who is driving me mad. From her chocolate brown hair and sweet heart shaped face, to the clothes she wears, everything about this girl screams _virginal._ She is fully undistracted by desire. She’s never had a person enter a room and felt her pulse quicken and her stomach leaden. She has never longed for or ached for anyone.

I hate her for it.

I want to pop that bubble. I want her to know that her perfectly neat and organized world is an illusion (delusion?) and that things are messy, and dirty, and wild out here. I want to slide my hands up her regulation length Hogwarts skirt and run my tongue along her collar bone. I want to hear her breath catch in my ear. I want to undo her.

            I started laying my traps. I teased and flirted just enough to catch her attention but, not so much to alarm her. If I took the seat next to her at meals our knees would touch. Our fingers would just brush as she passed me the pepper. In the library I brushed up against her squeezing through the bookshelves. And venom. I was using my venom. Whenever she was near enough I would make my venom snake it’s way over to her and curl around her senses making her think constantly of me.

I got what I wanted. And I felt free.

**REMUS**

            I was working on a star chart when Celine came down the stairs of the girls dormitory. Her lips were blood red and her teeth were sharp. I watched her as she hopped the last step and flipped her hair over her shoulder. She reeked of pheromones.

“Hi!” She said brightly, catching sight of me and heading my way.

I leaned back into the sofa and crossed my arms. “What were you doing in the girls dorms that your teeth are out.” I said quietly.

Her delicious lips twisted into a frown and she flopped down onto the sofa next to me. “It’s not fair.” She whispered. “That they’re free and we’re not.”

“It’s not.” I agreed. “but, it’s not their fault either.”

“It isn’t.” She sadly agreed, scuffing the leg of the table with her shoe.

We sat in silence for a minute while I worked up the courage to say what was on my mind.

“Just say it, Remus.” She prompted.

“He likes you I just don’t know if he understands that he likes you.”

“Sirius likes a lot of things.”

“He might like you best.”

“It’s the venom, I know it is.”

I sighed. “It’s been a weird year.”

“HA, yea it has…I won’t be nothing to him Remus, I’m not someone who he can toss aside when he’s done.”

“When has Sirius _ever_ treated you like you were disposable.”

“What about you?” She whispered, her eyes locking onto mine.

“What about me?”

“What if Sirius and I did get together. You’re his best mate and I’m your ex-girlfriend.”

“I don’t own you, Celine.”

She smiled so big and so sweetly and left me with a kiss on the shoulder that burned through my sweater.

**SIRIUS**

**‘** _When did things change?’_ My brain begged. Peter and I had crashed Celine and Lily’s pow wow on the lawn, soaking up what might be the last bit of warm sunshine for the year. The tips of Celine’s hair kissed the tops of her thighs and I twirled a piece round and round my finger. I thought of all the other times I did this exact thing and felt nothing but the smooth strands tightening and loosening around my fingers. Now, I felt the strands tightening around my heart but they weren’t loosening at all. Daringly, I let my fist rest on her leg as I continued to twirl her hair and she didn’t swat me away. Relief and hope flooded me and I returned to the question that was plaguing me. When did things change?

            She was with Remus two summers ago and I didn’t feel like this. I wasn’t jealous or sulky or mean. We spent an entire week together last winter exploring London and staying up late and all I felt was friendly. The New Years Ball where we danced all night long, all I remember is fun and laughter. She dated that other bloke for a little while at the end of last term and I thought he was lame but, that was it. Then we left for summer and she didn’t answer my letters, it was like she disappeared. I was scared something happened to her. I was terrified I’d never see her again.

            And then I remembered the nervous fluttering in my gut when I saw her on the kitchen floor, and how my heart raced when she folded into my arms. Her fingers squeezing mine on the bus. How the rest of the summer sucked. Seeing her on the platform and feeling that fluttery feeling again before I hugged her too hard and too long but she didn’t let go either did she?

“When break starts promise you won’t disappear again like you did last summer.” I interjected into the conversation, wildly off topic and not suave, and maybe a little desperate.

“I promise.” She said quirking an eyebrow.

I had to figure this out, and quick.

**CELINE**

Lily and I had just cleared the steps to the castle and started across the snowy lawn, arm in arm in a sorry attempt to defeat the cold when Sirius decided it was time to clear the air.

“Celine!”

“Shh pretend you can’t hear him.” Lily giggled. We kept walking.

“HEY CELINE!” Sirius bellowed, followed by a whistle that carried all the way to Hogsmeade.

Lily glared at me good naturedly as I turned to face Sirius.

He was on the steps with the other boys. His leather jacket had been traded in for a warmer wool pea coat. His long hair was pushed back from his sharp face and the veela frankly groaned for him. I thought about walking arm in arm with him into town instead of Lily and I smiled.

“BE MY GIRLFRIEND!” He yelled.

Anger soured my soul and the smile fell from my face. I glared right into his eyes, took Lily’s arm and turned around.

“Wait! Come back!” He called but Lily and I kept walking, noses in the air. Four pairs of feet came scrambling after us.

James and Peter managed to overtake us and blocked our path. I turned on my heel and faced Sirius who was on his knees in the snow, hands clasped in prayer.

“Please Celine, go out with me?”

“Really, Sirius? It had to be me, didn’t it?” I said shaking my head in dismay. “You really couldn’t live without getting me under you too?”

His mouth was a perfectly shocked “O”. I looked up at Remus who was just behind his cracked friend but, he didn’t appear to be on my side today.

“Things were great between us!” I was yelling now. “Why do we have to mess it up!”

“Because I’m nuts for you Celine!” He feel forward on his stomach and rolled onto his back. “I lay myself at your feet.” He finished dramatically.

People were watching.

“You’re treating me like every other tart you’ve ever winked at!” I wanted him to hang his head in shame but, he was just looking at me from the ground like I had six heads. “The Sirius Black who was my _friend_ would tell me I deserved better than some prat who yelled across the castle grounds ‘be my girlfriend.’ So, to answer your question Black, I will not be your girlfriend because you clearly no longer _respect_ me.” I kicked snow into his jeans like a child.

“That’s enough.” James said, pushing past Lily and I. James was mad. Like _mad_. “get up.” He said pulling Sirius to his feet and brushing the snow from his friends back.

“You want to talk about respect” James said voice strong and steady. “You just kicked snow on a person who was literally, at your feet and you-“ he continued, rounding on Lily “have been kicking me around since I’ve known you. Maybe the two of you should give us a chance, maybe we would make you really fucking phenomenally happy, maybe we’ll never know. Come on guys.”

He gripped Sirius’ arm and they headed back to the castle. Remus and Peter following close behind.

“PROVE IT, SIRIUS!” I yelled at their retreating backs. He grinned at me over his shoulder. “DON’T HELP HIM REMUS!”

 “Did James Potter just tell me off.” Lily asked.

“I’m still stuck on the fact that he somehow asked you out while Sirius was asking me out?”

“Angry James is kind of hot.” Lily mused.

“I’m dreading returning to the common room tonight.” I groaned.

The hours slipped past at the Three Broomsticks. We tried to discuss other things but I was stuck on Sirius Black. It didn’t help that every fourth student that passed our table was discussing the scene that just transpired on the lawn. I thought about being tucked under Sirius’ arm in a quiet booth. I imagined hearing his laugh and smiled. My stomach squirmed thinking about the grand display of his love he was likely planning right now in order to ‘prove it’ and I was sad because that’s not what I meant.

I winced around every corner expecting to be assaulted at any moment by some spectacular, superficial exhibition. We made it to the common room unscathed.

“best not let your guard down.” Lily whispered. I nodded in agreement. We ascended the dormitory stairs for warm and dry clothes. Dreams of a hot cup of tea and a spot by the fire lured me back to the common room where I was given a surprise of the kind I was not expecting. Sirius Black was at the tea cart. Calm, alone, completely innocent. I approached him cautiously.

“Hello again” he smiled, pouring out a cup of tea. He added just a splash of cream.

“Lavender with no sugar, just a spot of milk.” He confirmed handing me the cup.

I took the cup in both hands, letting the heat warm my fingers and the steam kiss my face.

“I’m sorry about earlier.” He said, pouring himself a cup that was more cream and sugar than tea.

“I’m sorry I kicked snow on you.” I answered making my way to a sofa in a quiet corner of the common room. He always takes the seat across from me but, today he remained standing. When I looked up at him expectantly he said “Can I sit next to you?”

I nodded and he sat _close_.

And he remembered how I liked my tea, and he asked instead of just taking, and he treated me like his friend again but different somehow. Sweeter and closer and flirtier than just friends.

And he kept it up all week.

I found myself trying to Prove It to him that I was just as in to this. I felt dizzy, delirious, doomed. At the last Quidditch match of term I was next to him cheering on Gryffindor when it was my turn to be overcome with the need to clear the air. I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the stairs. He followed me blindly, without question or protest. When we reached the privacy of the stairs I pulled him roughly into my arms and he didn’t miss a beat. I crushed our lips together and he held me tightly around the waist just like he did when we danced. His other hand was in my hair and I was devoured. Cheering and stamping from the stands above our heads reminded me I was snogging a guy under the stands like a common slag but I didn’t care. Because this wasn’t some guy this was Sirius and I wasn’t a common slag I was me.

He pulled away and breathed. I looked up into his icy eyes, still gripping him tight. He was smiling so big the corners of his eyes were crinkled. He cupped my face in his hands and laughed as our foreheads met. His skin on mine cooled the veela and I laughed like a maniac with him.

“I’m so happy.” He whispered into my mouth, my cheeks, my hair. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy.”

By 7:00 pm everyone was talking about Sirius and I.

Marlene Mckinnon came down to our dorm to call me a lying slut right to my face.

“Well, well, well.” She taunted, her eye’s alive with mischief. “Turns out Miss. High and Mighty Celine Bell is just as powerless against that bloke as the rest of us. Ain’t she?”

I smiled and kept rubbing lotion on my legs.

“You let Remus Lupin hit that last year and we all knew you’d be after Black next.” She gestured around the room and my roommates who apparently ‘all knew’ nodded and giggled.

“Are you a little sore Mckinnon?” I teased.

“Been there. Done that.” She said, tossing a pillow at me.

“I just wanted to make sure you knew that you are a liar and a slag and to come down off that pedestal you keep yourself on. Ta’ ladies.” She waved herself out the door and Lily and I burst into laughter.

“Merlin I love that girl.” Lily said, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes.


	4. Padfoot

**PART 2**

There’s nothing like your favorite pub. That place where the music is always just right and the chips are excellent and the bartender is in on the joke because he was working the night it happened. It was midsummer and the weeks since graduation had been filled with giddy excitement, wild escapades, and espionage. When school let out I didn’t move home. Sirius’ Uncle Alphard had died and left him his flat and a bit of money. I was done with my mother and frankly she was done with me. Cookie came to visit often.

Dumbledore got to us fast. Sirius and I had barely unpacked the last of our belongings when a knock on the door revealed, not the pizza delivery as we had hoped, but the headmaster. We jumped into the Order feet first. We would have tattooed a phoenix on our foreheads if it meant we could change the world and kick ass along the way.

            Despite playing house, Sirius and I had no intentions of settling down. Neither of us wanted children and neither of us cared about getting married. We had been wasting away the morning naked in bed when the subject first came up.

“I care about you in a bikini in Tahiti.” Sirius had joked

“I care about the Opera in Sydney and you in a tuxedo.” I played back wrapping my legs around his and sitting up.

“I do look good in a tux.” He slid the palms of his hands up my torso and the tips of his fingers just brushed the curve of my breasts. I adjusted my hips to allow him to slide into me and leaned closer to him.

“I don’t want a baby, ever.” I said. “I want to get lost with you in Greece.”

“I want to make my vows to you in bed every night, and remind you every morning.” He panted. “and I don’t want to sell my motorcycle.”

“why on earth would you do that?” I laughed but, I was silenced by a hard kiss.

The next day we would be pledging to fight against darkness and putting our travel plans on hold instead. Which was much more fun than Greece if you thought about it.

The bartender greeted me and poured me an ale.

“Whole crew meeting you?” He asked from the taps.

“Naturally.” I said flashing him a smile.

“Hope your man’s pretty face doesn’t get rearranged again tonight.” He chuckled.

“We can always put it right again.” I winked.  

 I took a sip and leaned against the bar, chin in my hand, thinking about the Order and it’s members who became our fast friends.

In addition to the four marauders, Lily and I, Marlene McKinnon had joined. Through school the three of us had been friendly acquaintances but now we were as thick as thieves. Marlene had introduced us to Fabian and Gideon Prewett, boisterous brawling brothers who fought over Marlene (who mercilessly egged them on) and butted heads with Sirius (who also egged them on.) The nine of us haunted this pub but, were sometimes joined by the other members and some of the old timers. 

The bell above the door rang and Marlene and Peter entered the pub.

“I’m telling you Pete, Cheryl from finance, I chat with her every morning on my way to the office, I’ll invite her out next time, get you two a quiet little table…”

“Marleneeee” Peter groaned and slid into the seat around the corner of the bar from me.

“What” She said aggressively. “We all just want to see you happy Pete!”

I smiled encouragingly at Peter and he gave me a small, thankful smile back.

Lily and James arrived next with Remus just behind them. Lily slid into the seat next to me. The three of us girls always sat on the three stools down the far side of the bar. We had the best view of the place from here. We could see everyone that came in or out, no one could sit next to us, and it was closest to the bathroom. Remus kissed Marlene and mine’s cheek and he pulled a book from his pocket.

“get’s slow in the middle but, the ending is worth it.”

“this one will have you up till 5 am because you have to finish.” I said swapping his for mine.

James was ordering a round as Fabian and Gideon entered the room.

“Fab is anyone else coming?” James called.

“Nah, tried to get Doc to join but, he’s home having a wank instead.”

Caradoc Dearborn was a member of the Order. A 30 something wizard who the Prewetts looked up to greatly and had many successful missions with the older man on their team.

“Make it 9 Adam” James said to the bartender. Adam started lining up glasses on the bar when at rumble from the street told us that Sirius Black had arrived.

“Black going to keep his mouth shut tonight Celine?” Gideon asked.

“Does he ever?” I responded. Fabian snorted into his drink.

My heart pounded in my chest as he walked through the door. He bee lined right for me and I wanted to meet him in the middle instead of waiting in my chair. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and I slid mine around his waist. He smelled like he always did after riding his bike, like fresh air and leather oil. He ran a thumb down my jawline and chastely kissed my lips.

“Missed you.” He whispered. I murmured the same back.

James slid a shot and an ale towards Sirius and he faced the bar. I stayed tucked under his arm.

“To our new nephews!” Fabian said raising his shot in the air. “Fred Gideon and George Fabian Weasley!”

We cheered and downed our shots.

“What’s that like 12 nephews you’ve got now?” James asked.

“Five.” Gideon answered, smacking his lips around the shot. “Molly is a champion.”

“Best mother.” Fabian agreed. “and Arthur is a good bloke.”

Marlene took a long drink of her beer to hide her eye roll. Marlene and Molly did not get along and the two brothers devotion to their older sister grated on her.

Sirius squeezed my side and went off to join the guys.

“Hmmm brunettes or red heads, brunettes or red heads…” Marlene mused, drumming her nails on the bar.”

Lily and I made eye contact and sniggered.

“Brunettes!” She decided and batted her eyes at Gideon from across the bar. Gideon raised his glass to her and Fabian, seeing this exchange, groaned and handed Gideon some gold.

“Double or nothing I win her back by the end of the night.” Fabian crowed. They shook on it and Marlene snickered.

“You’re going to have to decide on them one day Marlene.” Lily warned.

“I don’t have to pick either of them.” Marlene asserted.

“True.” I agreed. “but they’re so much fun, and easy on the eyes.”

“and they’ve got pretty big wands, too.”

Lily, who had just took a sip of her beer, choked and spit it back out.”

“I don’t want to know about Fab and Gid’s _wands_.” Lily laughed, mopping up the spilt beer.

“Well we want to know about James’ _wand,_ don’t we Celine.”

“Keep your thoughts off of James’ wand.” Lily warned, pointing a threatening finger at Marlene and I.

“Ouuu I forgot how fiery you red heads are, Fab and Gid’s bitchy sister hasn’t attacked me in awhile.”

“You ever think she would like you if you weren’t fucking both her brothers.” I asked. “Molly is lovely, honestly.”

“What’s it to her?”

“She practically raised her brothers, I imagine it matters very much to her.”

“Well, they’re grown now and she can focus on raising her own hatchlings.” And with that, Marlene slid off her barstool and went to chat up the boys.

“What do you think Celine?” Lily asked. “Read them so we’ll know how to place our bets.”

I set my eyes on Marlene and the Prewetts as they racked the pool balls and chalked the pool sticks. “They change all the time, I watch them a lot.” I said. “Fabian loves her more, usually…and I don’t know how Marlene feels. If I don’t know it’s because she doesn’t know. I can’t read it if she isn’t sure.”

James put a song on the Jukebox he and Lily liked and whisked her away to dance with him.  Years later I would think back on nights just like this and with a deep, soul splitting pang I would realize most of the people in this room wouldn’t see their 30th birthday. Out of all of them, I would be the only one to make it to 40. A commotion across the room signaled to me that Sirius and Fabian were already shoving each other. Adam looked towards the hubbub and shook his head. He set two shot glasses down and filled them to the top.

“This one’s on me.” He said, passing a glass to me and downing his own.

“You’re a gentleman and a saint, Adam.” I giggled. “I’ll do you a solid and go soothe the wild beasts.”

I crossed the room and set my beer down on the high top Peter and Remus were occupying. In the commotion Gideon had made his move on Marlene and the two were enthusiastically snogging against the pool table.

“No shame, whatsoever.” Remus smirked.

“None at all.” I agreed.

I shimmied my way in between Sirius and Fabian and squeezed Fabian’s biceps

“Fab you been working out?” I crooned sending calming vibes through him. “Why don’t you go flex those for Marlene and try and win your money back.” I winked and he whipped around looking for Gideon.

“Bugger.” He cursed and ran to go cock block his brother.

“and you” I purred, rounding on Sirius “need to pay more attention to me tonight.” I pulled him by his jacket into the corner and gave him something else to focus on.

…

I woke late the next morning. The apartment was a wreck. Pizza was out on the counter and there were floaters around the house. A sticky spot on the linoleum told me that someone spilt beer and failed to clean it up. Marlene and Gideon were asleep on my couch. Gideon’s bear of a body was covering the majority of Marlene and I wondered how she was even breathing with that much man crushing her. I checked just to be sure. I checked out Gideon’s very toned arse just for fun.

“You are such a creep.” Sirius said yawning and stretching as he entered the room and seeing me peeking at our friends.

“Gideon has a very nice butt. You can’t blame a girl for looking.” I turned on my heel and padded into the kitchen to start the kettle. Sirius plopped onto the barstool and took a bite of cold pizza. I felt his eyes on me as I leaned over the sink. I smiled to myself and thought about taking the tea and pizza to bed.

“Celine…”

“You thinking what I’m thinking?” I teased, watching the kettle fill with water.

He was right behind me but instead of feeling his hands slide up my hips and under his shirt that I was wearing, he held yesterdays Daily Prophet up to my face. The headline read:

**ANTI-VEELA LEGISLATION PASSED**

**Dolores Umbridge calls for deportments to start immediately**

 

  **SIRIUS**

She disapparated on the spot and I followed right behind her.

_‘Please let her be home. For once please let her be where she is supposed to be.’_ I pleaded in my head. I skidded to a halt in the kitchen. Cookie was starting tea and Edahna was standing by the sink. She was dressed in navy and silver. Long flowing skirt and close fitting cotton top. Very bohemian compared to her usual chic clothes. She had soft leather boots on that fit her feet like a glove. Silver beads and accessories hung from her waist and wrists and ankles.  All of this suited her, she looked more natural than I had ever seen her. I looked at Celine, waiting for her, or someone, to say something. I became suddenly aware that I was shirtless. Celine was in my T shirt and very tiny shorts that she only ever wore to sleep.

“You’re going?” She said, voice cracking.

Edahna nodded and opened her arms. Celine fell into them. “I don’t have a choice.”

“Did you know?” Celine asked.

“The ministry has been sending me letters.”

“We can fight this, we can do something, just don’t go with them!”

Edahna stroked Celine’s hair and shook her head.

“No, don’t say no! We can figure this out!” Celine begged.

Edahna squeezed Celine’s shoulders and she took a deep, calming breath.

“No.” Her mother said. Smiling sadly into Celine’s eyes. “Not free, are we?”

Cookie pushed a cup of tea into Celine’s hands and she took a seat at the table.

“Sirius” Edahna said “come with me.” She swept from the room, silver baubles jingling, and led me upstairs to her bedroom. “Darius helped me, when I first got the letters.” I watched as she reached her arm into the mirror that Celine always said was evil. She was up to her elbow in the glass and when she pulled back she had a thick envelope in her hand.

“Everything is Celine’s.” She handed me the envelope. “Now they can’t take it.”

She was smiling at me. I felt numb and gave her a weak smile back. “How can they do this?” I choked out.

“Not free like you.” She said again shaking her head solemnly. I looked at the envelope in my hands and tried to come up with _something_.

“I always knew it would be you.” She gushed taking my hands in hers. “I always knew you would be the one for my Celine.”

“How’s that?” I asked rather huskier than I would have liked under the circumstances. It was impossible to breathe Edahna’s venom out your nose like I did Celine’s.

“You make her love herself.” She said proudly and kissing my forehead, she swept from the room and when my head cleared I followed her out.

Back in the kitchen Celine was reading the article about the anti-Veela legislation with fire in her eyes.

“How many Veela are there outside of their tribes on the _continent_ let alone the _country!”_ She positively burned. “I’ve never even seen another one!”

“Four in all of England, two in France, one in Milan.” Edahna answered.

“What’s the bloody point!” The newspaper started to smoke and I gently pulled it from her hands.

Edahna raked her fingers through Celine’s hair and began braiding. I watched her expert fingers part and twist, part and twist, part and twist…

Suddenly, I thought of another problem. Did this legislation include part-veela as well?

I felt an overwhelming need for a drink. Like a robot, I walked to the liquor cabinet and began making Bloody Mary’s for everyone.

Celine immediately knew something was wrong.

“What is it.” She snapped.

“I love Bloody Mary’s don’t you? We had a long night last night and not nearly enough sleep. Hair of the dog and all that.”

“Sirius. What is it.” She asked again.

I set the drinks on the table and took a long sip of mine before saying as calmly as possible “Will you have to go too?”

She snatched the newspaper back and re read the whole article. “It says nothing about…fucking useless pieces of shit…I don’t know, Sirius.”

Her wide blues bored into mine, worried and scared and pissed off, and all I could think was if they wanted to take Celine too, they’d have to bloody kill me first.

**CELINE**

We didn’t have to wait long for them to come. The sun was high and hot when Sirius snapped up in his seat and ran to the kitchen window. Looking for all the world like Padfoot, alert and still, with a growl in his throat.

“Gid’s with them.”

The breath I had been holding all day let out. Gideon’s day job was with the Wizarding Police. I felt for the first time like everything might be ok. I could read Sirius felt the same. My mother however, was not quite as worried or focused as I would have liked.

“Gideon” she said licking her lips “looks like he needs a woman.”

“Nah, he had one on our couch last night.” Sirius said nudging my mother with his elbow. “Surprised he made it to work today honestly.”

I truly can’t believe I was dumb enough to worry about her. Stupid enough to miss her. She never, ever cared enough. She felt my gaze and turned to me. Tears stung my eyes but I held them tight. She read concerned and ran to me. She completely enveloped me. Pulled me in tight and our energy waved around us. Her love was so strong and so intense that I felt crushed. My heart swelled and swelled and my knees buckled and all I could think to do was to meet her ounce for ounce. So I sent all my love to her. I closed my eyes and drank in every detail of this moment. She whispered “I love you” eight different ways before she pulled away. She took her energy with her but the love stayed and for the first time in my whole life, I felt like I understood my mother.

There was a clear, authoritative knock on the door. Sirius transformed into Padfoot and ran barking and growling at the door. He always knew how to cheer me up.

I opened the door and pretended to hold Padfoot back. He jumped on the screen and everyone on the doorstep jumped back.

“Sorry!” I apologized “he doesn’t like strangers. Padfoot _down._ ” Gideon’s eyes snapped up to mine but, quickly regained his composure.

“You make sure you restrain that mongrel!” He said firmly.

“I’m sorry Officer Prewett but my boyfriend is an absolute _dog_ and was up all night with his idiot friends and he never came to pick him up. He’ll settle down.” Gideon turned a laugh into a cough.

“See that he does.”

“Hem-hem” the revolting woman on my porch interrupted. “We are here for Edahna Bell.”

“Yes, would you like to come in?” Padfoot took this opportunity to jump and growl at the door again.

“No, I think not.” Dolores Umbridge said. She unfolded a piece of parchment and began to read from it. Padfoot barked the whole time.

“I’m sorry, I’m not catching any of this, he’ll quiet down in the yard.” Before they could protest I opened the door and allowed Padfoot to run free. I exited the house and my mother followed right behind me. I could read revulsion all over Umbridge’s horrible face but, her sharp intake of breath betrayed her fear.

My mother locked eyes with Gideon and I turned away from a dance I was all too familiar with.

Umbridge read the legislation and the warrant for my mother’s deportation.

“Do you, Edahna Bell, know where your tribe of origin is located?”

“Bulgaria.” My mother said.

“Where in Bulgaria?” she asked impatiently.

I slick smile spread across my mother’s face “wouldn’t you like to know.” Voice sweet and syrupy like the poison you don’t know is in your oatmeal.

“I would. So we know where to take you.” I could read that was a lie. Umbridge was hiding an ulterior motive.

“Officer Prewett knows where to take me, don’t you?” My mother asked poor Gideon.

“That’s enough!” Umbridge snapped. “Mr. Prewett take Ms. Bell into custody.”

Gideon eased closer to my mother and her teeth were out. I rolled my eyes hard and decided I could either laugh or cry and right now I needed to laugh. Padfoot was watching everything from the Hydrangeas.

Gideon asked my mother to hold out her hands and she obliged. Gid gently magicked anti-apparition cuffs around her wrists.

“You don’t have to be so gentle with me.” My mother’s pouty lips were inches from Gid’s and her venom was thick in the air as she dealt her final blow. Gideon fell to his knees with a deep, longing groan.

“Officer Prewett you are relieved from your duties today!” Umbridge shrieked.

“Officer go inside and get yourself a drink of water.” I said, helping Gideon to his feet and pushing him inside.

Umbridge grabbed my mother by the elbow and hissed to me “You Half-Breeds are next.”

Padfoot jumped from the Hydrangea’s ready to rip Umbridge’s face off.

Sadly, she disapparated just in time and the black dog’s jaws snapped on air.


	5. Fight or Flight

“Just like that? She’s gone?” James asked, wide eyed. I nodded and took a gulp of my drink. The Marauder’s, Lily, and I were gathered round the kitchen island at mine and Sirius’ apartment.  I was drinking heavily.

“Blimey…”

I turned one of the documents in the packet my mother gave Sirius over because I couldn’t look at it anymore and lit a cigarette. Lily turned the volume up on the radio and shimmied over to the island, squeezing up under James’ arms. He held her tight. “What’s in there?”

“Deed to the house, bank statements, Cookie’s paperwork, her Will, etc.”

“Darius helped her.” Sirius said quietly.

I snapped my head up to meet his eyes.

“She told me when she gave me the paperwork.”

I pushed the heels of my hands into my eyes and tried to force my mind blank.

“Are you going to move into your house?” Remus asked “Because I could use an apartment.”

“Yea me too.” Peter added, eyes heavy over the beer he was nursing, tired from a late night mission.

“I want to but it’s so big. There’s eight bedrooms.”

“Safe house for the order?” James suggested.

“YES” Sirius hollered and high fived James over Lily’s head.

“I’ve accepted something today.” I announced slamming my empty glass down. “My mother loved me the best she could and even though her love hurts-“ I swallowed the lump in my throat and continued “it was the best she could do.”

“It was.” Remus said. Nodding encouragingly at me across the table.

“Will you ever see her again?” Lily asked.

“Depends on if she wants to be found. Veela can hide.”

“Soooo, what does that mean?” said James.

“I would go to Bulgaria and ask around about the Veela. I would be told an approximate location and I’d walk around and wait for my mother to show herself.” My friends exchanged looks across the table. They all knew what I wasn’t saying. I wouldn’t likely be going to Bulgaria, ever.

“She would show herself, if she saw you.” Sirius said so passionately that I believed him.

By the time our friends all left I was very, very drunk.

“Let’s get you to bed.” Sirius said locking the door behind James and Lily.

“You go to bed.” I said pointing somewhere over his shoulder instead of at him. I closed one eye and readjusted my aim.

I got out of my chair and stumbled freely to our bedroom. I tried to flip the light switch, lost my balance and took the lamp down with me. Sirius opened the drapes and moonlight flooded the room. Her beams kissed my skin. Sirius helped me to the edge of the bed and slid my shirt up over my head.

“I don’t want to go to bed.” I complained.

“then we won’t.” He slid my bra off and so, so gently ran his fingertips down my breasts and just teased the tips of my nipples. I watched as he took his shirt off and dropped his pants.

“Fuck all this shit.” I said “Australia?”

“Wherever you go, I’ll be right there with you.”

***

Jets of light and shouting. Feeling myself slip in and out of moonbeams as I slink through the trees. Fear pumping through veins as you combat the enemy until you hit that critical point of fight or flight.

_Fightorflight fightorflight fight or_

_Flight._

Running full out with Sirius by my side. I look at him and see his smile is as big as mine. We’re coming to an edge and we both know what’s beyond. His hand reaches for mine and I grab it tight. We reach the edge and together, with no hesitation, we _jump._ I squeeze Sirius’ hand as tight as I can and he’s squeezing mine so tightly back it hurts. My body collides with the water and I am plunged into the everlasting peace that comes from being below the surface. I kick hard and as my lungs fill with air and the sounds of the night come rushing back I think that I would jump off a cliff everyday of my life, if I had to, for Sirius Black. 

  **SIRIUS**

James is banged up. Leg all in bandages, freshly mended femur, tibia, and fibula. He flopped into a chair on Celine’s (our?) front porch and groaned loudly as he stretched his leg out onto an ottoman. He bit his lip and pulled at his hair. When the pain subsided I popped us open two beers and sat in the chair next to him quite dramatically, so he could remember what two working limbs can do for a fellow. He accepted the ale and took a long swig.

It was unseasonably warm for March and the ghost of Padfoot’s nose itched for spring wildflowers and warm, wet, dirt.

“I’m going to ask Lily to marry me.”

His hair was sticking up in a way it hasn’t in years and I thought of boy James Potter telling us he was going marry Lily Evans one day.

“Yea? This have anything to do with you and Lily facing Voldemort and living to tell the tale?”

“Shut it, you jumped off a cliff with Bell.”

I laughed hard thinking about the feeling of jumping off that cliff hand in hand with Celine. How I didn’t have to look back because she can run as fast as me. How she didn’t hesitate at all, she just took my hand and jumped.

“I’d jump off a cliff every day if I had to for that girl.”

“Fucking crazy both of you.”

“So, you and Mrs. Potter going to make little James and Lily’s too?”

James’ face twisted into the dorkiest grin and being the friend I am, I didn’t take the mick out of him for it.

“Crazy that two springs ago we were taking our N.E.W.T’s.” He mused.

“Yea, too bad there wasn’t a test on fighting evil and winning, eh?”

A ‘pop’ alerted us to Marlene’s appearance. She climbed the porch steps and said “what do you think boy’s should I go for the taller or shorter one tonight?”

“Short” said James

“Tall” I countered.

She pulled on a stray curl thoughtfully. “Short it is.”

When the door snapped behind her James whooped and I groaned.

“I thought for sure she was sticking with Gideon for awhile!” I hissed.

“Ha! So did Peter! He owes me some gold!”

We finished our beers and headed back into the house. My house now. My house that is so different from the one I grew up in. My house that I share with the woman I worship. That is always filled to the brim with friends and noise and light and love. This house where I have always felt my best.

**CELINE**

_Life is good._ Was my very first thought as I woke up that morning. Sirius and I had moved into the master bedroom of my mother’s house. My house now. Sunlight streamed in and a light spring breeze blew through the open windows, tickling my mostly bare skin. My smile stuck as I padded into the bathroom to brush my teeth. A bird’s happy tune floated through the window as I brushed away, reflecting on the sheer bliss that was the last several weeks of my life. Missions for the order, nights out at the pub with our best mates, and smiling till it hurt with Lily and Marlene. James and Lily’s engagement, escaping death, and phenomenal, mind blowing sex with Sirius.

“FUCK!” I yelled. My toothbrush clattered into the sink and that stupid bird shut up.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, oh fucking no, fuck me…” I slammed the bathroom door and Sirius jumped up in bed.

“Wha? S’matter?” He asked sleepily.

“Shut up, fuck you!’ I pointed angrily at him and slammed the bedroom door behind me.

I rummaged through the hall linen closet cursing my very existence the whole time until I found what I was looking for, buried under antacid potions that were probably expired.

I threw open the bedroom door and Sirius immediately tried to question me again.

“Fuck off, don’t fucking speak to me. Merlin’s fucking beard, FUCK!”

I yelled this the loudest yet as I re-entered the bathroom and did something I never, ever thought I would have to do:

Take a fucking pregnancy test.

I kicked open the bathroom door and grabbed the nearest object and threw it at Sirius.

“OY!” He yelled blocking the candle from cracking his skull. “What is the matter!?”

I threw everything I could reach at him. “Fuck you! How could you fucking do this to me! You are an irresponsible fuckwad!” I was out of things to throw at him so I opened our closet and started throwing shoes.

“CELINE, STOP!” He yelled as I came at him with a particularly deadly high heel. He grabbed the shoe out of my hand and tossed it out the window.

“TELL ME WHAT IS HAPPENING.”

“I’M FUCKING PREGNANT AND IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT.” I burst into tears and collapsed into his arms. Hot, angry tears. Bitter, bitter tears.

I could sense he was thinking hard, trying to figure out when he fucked up his potions. It doesn’t even matter, the damage is done.

He held me at arm’s length and sank onto the foot of the bed. “let’s get married.”

I wanted to start throwing things again. My fingers burned with flames and he jumped out of my grip.

“Stop, I’m serious, let’s go right now to the ministry and get married.”

“I don’t care about getting married! I care that we’ve created another half breed who will suffer like I have! I swore I would never do this to an innocent baby Sirius!” Panic was setting in. Sheer panic at what we’ve done.

“The baby will care if we’re married. She’ll want her parents to be a proper family.”

His big hands gently held the ends of my fingers in his own. I could feel the start of an adventure brewing.

We pulled the trigger.

Like two impulsive tornados we tore through the room searching for clothes and sending owls to our friends. Sirius had one leg in a pair of khakis and was scribbling a note to James with his free hand.

“Rings! Do we have rings?” He shouted. I flung another useless dress over my shoulder where it stuck to the lamp shade. Did my mother not wear white?!

“Tell Lily to bring me her white sun dress please!” His quill obligingly kept scratching. “There has got to be rings somewhere in this house.”

I turned to my mother’s jewelry box and opened it for the first time. I gasped at the riches that were inside. Overwhelmed, I snapped the lid shut.

“What?” Sirius asked.

“There’s a lot of rings in there.”

He opened the jewelry box and quickly snapped it shut as well.

“Holy shit.” He breathed.

Cookie, who had been watching the chaos from the door, took this opportunity to make herself known. She stood on tiptoes to peek into the box and pulled out two bands.

“These are from Darius Bell, miss.”

She dropped the bands into my hand and curled my fingers tight around them before she kissed my knuckles. While rings my father gave my mother didn’t matter much to me, they were infinitely better than rings that came from a stranger.

“Will you come with us, Cookie?” I asked, sentimental tears stinging my eyes at the thought of Cookie seeing me marry Sirius.

“Thank you Celine Bell, but Cookie doesn’t go to the ministry. Bad news for elves at the ministry. Cookie will stay here and plan your party.”

I hugged her tight and sent all my love flowing her way.

Lily, James, Remus, and Peter arrived and the chaos resumed. A loud pop echoed through the house and a champagne cork landed on the piano. The consumption of champagne slowed everyone down greatly. Finally, everyone was dressed and ready but me. I couldn’t find the pair to my shoe. A knock on the door interrupted my search.

“Looking for this?” Regulus Black asked holding up the shoe Sirius had thrown out the window this morning.

“Reg!” I yelled throwing my arms around his neck. He hugged me back.

“I hear congratulations are in order.”

“What are you doing here? Where have you been!”

He didn’t answer, just kept smiling his slick smile. His grey eyes, identical to his brothers looked over my shoulder.

“Congrats, Sirius.”

Sirius approached us and shook his hand before pulling him into a hug and clapping him on the back.

“Thank you, for inviting me.” Regulus continued.

Regulus has been a complete ass ever since we graduated. His appearance on my doorstep, at Sirius’ invitation, was all the proof I needed that we were doing the right thing. I slipped my shoe on and hollered for everyone to get going.


	6. Ten Shades of in Love

I stood on the corner of Grimmauld place and wished, for what felt like the 900th time, that I could have a cigarette. With a deep sigh and a straight back I made my way to number 12 and knocked on the door.

Kreacher opened it and with a mean little smile he told me to wait. A moment later, he returned with Mrs. Black.

“You, is it? I haven’t even had my tea yet, the day waits for no one I suppose.” She sighed wearily at her difficult life and headed up the stairs. She didn’t close the door or tell me to leave so I followed her.

Kreacher poured the tea and she asked me what I wanted from her.

“I don’t want anything from you. I came here to talk about some very important things that I think you should know.”

“Out with it then.”

“Sirius and I got married last week.” She colored and set her tea down. I could read the sea of rage boiling beneath the surface of perfect composure.

“And I’m pregnant.” I broke up the news on purpose.

She sat there in silence and breathed. Her eyes were fixed solidly on mine, hard and angry.

“You’re going to die if you keep all that anger bottled up Walburga.”

She took a long sip of her tea and said “you once told me you weren’t sleeping with my son.”

“and it was true…then.”

“I saw this coming.”

“Did you?” I placated, sipping my tea

“The two of you at that party…you looked wonderful together. The most attractive people in the room. I told you then and I’ll say it again, you understand things, Celine. Your manners are excellent. I remember thinking ‘if only she wasn’t a half-breed something respectable could come from all this.’”

She sighed that exhausted sigh again.

“I came here to let you know that I will not keep your grandchild away from you, no matter what Sirius says, if you wish to know her.”

“I don’t know I have to think about it…this is all so embarrassing.” She pinched the bridge of her nose.

I set my tea cup down on the table and she looked up at me. “I might be an embarrassment to you but I can promise you one thing. When you’re on your death bed and your nasty little nieces are too busy to come see you, I will be at your side because that’s what family is for, and I won’t be crawling all over your possessions like a cockroach either.”

She absorbed what I said and I could read it hit home.

“One more thing before I go.”

“Yes?”

“What is wrong with Orion.” This time she did not, or could not, hide the shock on her face.

“How? Who?” Her sadness softened me.

“I can read people, Veela can read people, when I stayed here that Christmas. I picked up on something between the two of you…I couldn’t put my finger on it then.”

Her teacup shook in her hand and she put it down.

“He’s sick, isn’t he? He’s been sick for awhile?”

She nodded and wiped a tear from her eye. “He was in Bali with his brother when the boys were younger. Sirius had just started Hogwarts. He picked up a Wilt Worm and it’s been slowly killing him since.”

So many puzzle pieces clicked together in my brain at this information. So many unanswered questions, answered. Sirius always said when he went to Hogwarts things got bad at home and he thought it was because he was sorted into Gryffindor, and his parents couldn’t stand it. Couldn’t stand him. The heavy sadness I would read between Mr. and Mrs. Black, the weariness, they wanted to ensure the Black’s would live on after Orion died but, their strictness, Walburga’s overbearing, judgmental nature, only succeeded in pushing Sirius further and further away.

“Do Sirius and Regulus know?”

She shook her head. “Don’t tell them either.”

“Are you going to tell them when he dies?”

“Yes”

“And that’ll be soon?”

“Very soon.” Her voice cracked.

I set my tea cup down and stood to go. “Thank you for tea, is there anything you think I should know before I go?”

She thought for a moment before breaking into the smile that I never like to see on her face. “Yes, I have some good news, Regulus is a Death Eater.”

***

 

I really hate Albus Dumbledore.

Over the last few months, I became sad and dark in ways I haven’t been since I was fifteen. I was plagued with guilt for cursing an innocent child. I created another part human. I knew what my daughter would suffer. I knew the burden she would bear. I was no longer going on missions and this inactivity only made me sadder. I felt chained and this baby was my jailor. I was up till all hours of the night again just to be with the moon. During the day I sulked, or read, or a little of both. Sirius fretted when I said I wasn’t hungry and would make Cookie bake.

And Albus Dumbledore only makes it worse.

He uses all of us. He asks too much of all of us. He won’t take no for an answer when I tell him I will not use my venom during missions. He won’t. Fucking. Drop it. However, my only options are him or Voldemort.

I’ll stick with Dumbledore.

His presence in my house, leading an order meeting, was not without it’s benefits as it reminded me of good advice he gave me when I was recovering from my episode in the hospital wing. I should talk to Lily about my problems.

“Celine do you have something to say or would you like to continue glaring at me?” Dumbledore asked politely.

“Glaring is working for me right now, thanks.” I answered. Sirius snickered beside me. Dumbledore smiled his twinkly eyed smile at me and continued his speech.

Like I said, infuriating.

After the meeting was adjourned I pulled Lily aside , like the amazing sister she is, she helped me carry my troubles. When I finally let her go I thought it likely that Petunia was the stupidest girl on the planet.

***

When your house is also a headquarters for a rebel organization, uninterrupted time to read the paper and have a cup of tea is difficult to come by. So it really came as no surprise when a familiar owl tapped on my window carrying the letter that would pull me away from the headlines.

I unfolded the parchment and read the following

HELP UNCLE FABIAN PLEASE

FROM,

BILLY WEASLEY

For clarity’s sake, Billy drew a picture of what exactly the problem was. At the bottom of the page was a crayon drawing of what was unmistakably Fabian Prewett, a look of sheer terror on his face, his mouth a perfect O. Crawling up his legs were two small people with identical evil grins on their faces.  

I apparated right into Fabian’s living room (rude, I know) and what I found was complete chaos. I thought that Billy’s artistic rendition of Fabian’s facial expression, and the twin’s wicked grins, was spot on. Not included in his drawing, was the flipped over couch with Percy hiding underneath, the pictures knocked off the wall, or the finger paint handprints all over everything.

“LOOK OUT!” a small voice hollered and I jumped out of the way as Charlie zoomed by on a toy broomstick, which explained why all the pictures were off their hooks.

“Celine!” Fabian exclaimed, finally noticing me. “thank god you’re here!” He looked so relieved I was worried he might cry.

“What have you gotten yourself into!” I asked, scooping down to pick up little Percy. The five Weasley boys were ages 7, 5, 3, and 1 (and 1). With their parents, they were very well behaved (with the obvious exceptions). Percy clung to my neck and sniffled a little.

“It’s Molly and Arthur’s anniversary! They never get to go anywhere so Gideon and I sent them away for the night. Gideon’s on nights now so I offered to do the babysitting. They’re usually not like this!” Fred and George let go of Fabian’s legs.

“Thank you.” Fabian sighed stretching his limbs.

Apparently, the twins only let go of their Uncle so they could take their clothes off…and they didn’t stop there. In one practiced motion, each twin pulled the tape on the other’s nappy and they took off running.

“Mummy puts a sticking charm on their nappy’s, it’s the only way to keep them on.” Billy said, solemnly shaking his head.

“Is something burning?” I asked, afraid to know the answer.

Fabian took off into the kitchen and pulled a tray of utterly destroyed blueberry muffins from the oven.

I couldn’t help it, I laughed hard. “ _Muffins_ Fab!?” He shrugged and chuckled along with me. I looked at the clock, it was noon.

“Lunch time!” I called. Five hungry boys came running into the kitchen. Fabian set his plates to work and the cutlery to slicing meat and cheese for sandwiches. I put fresh nappy’s on the twins, with a sticking charm this time, and with a wave of my wand the baby spoons set to work feeding them while a napkin wiped their chins. I directed the leftover muffin ingredients to repeat their duties and within minutes was pulling edible muffins from the oven. When the boys were happily chatting and eating I whispered to Fabian “after lunch time is nap time.”

When the plates were empty and the older boys helped clean up the dishes Fabian and I each grabbed a twin and lead the brood to the living room.

“I’m too old for naps!” Bill insisted.

“Oh you’re right how silly of me.” I mollified “If you wanted to nap, we wouldn’t tell, would we Fabian?”

“Mum’s the word.” Fabian said, tapping his nose. “I wish I could nap.”

“You do?” Billy asked suspiciously.

“I would nap every day if I could.” Fabian said yawning for effect.

“You think it over.” I said, stroking his hair.

Charlie and Percy had no qualms about nap time. When Fabian returned with the twin’s bottles Charlie was fast asleep. I gave the twin in my arms (???) his bottle and watched as Percy neatly folded his glasses and put them in a safe place. He then straightened his pillow and blanket and followed his brother into dreamland. I sang to help them along.

“Do you have a baby in your belly?” Billy asked scrambling up onto the couch beside me.

“I do.” I answered.

“My mum wants a girl.” Fred and George pulled their bottles from their mouths and blew raspberries.

“Well we know how your brother’s feel, how do you feel about a sister?”

“I don’t mind having a sister but what if she keeps having boys!?”

I chuckled softly. “I’m having a girl.”

Fred and George blew raspberries again.

“Yea you feel that way now boyo’s but you’ll be barking up that girls tree in 15 years.” Fabian warned the twins.

Billy was pouting. “Maybe you should give her to my mum so she stops having babies.” Accurately sensing what his eldest nephew needed Fabian responded

“You were a very big help today, Bill. Thank you.”

The little boy smiled and laid down on the couch. Within minutes, he was asleep.

“Do you know what twin you have?” Fabian whispered.

“Not a clue.”

“I think I have George…” He said.

“They look so sweet and innocent when they’re asleep.”

“It’s all part of their trickery.” Fabian said darkly.

We set the boys down and set to work cleaning his apartment. Wands in hand we repaired vases, cleaned spills, and washed fingerprints off the windows. The photographs flew back to their hooks and I paused to examine the contents of the frames. Prewett family photos, head shots of all the boys, Molly and Arthur on their wedding day, and at the very end, Marlene Mckinnon. Photo Marlene was looking over her shoulder like someone called her name. She smiled and winked at the photographer who I assume was Fabian.

“That was in Scotland.” Fabian said. “She bet me I couldn’t drink as much scotch as she could. I said I wouldn’t take that bet unless we did it proper.”

I eyed him closely. “Tell her.” I said placing a hand on his arm.

He stroked the picture frame with his thumb and watched photo Marlene repeat her poses. “After the war. When we’ve won, when we’ll have the rest of our lives together, I will. No offense Celine, but I can’t do what you and Black and Potter and Lily and my sister and Arthur are doing. I can’t get married and have kids and be ten shades of in love knowing it could all be gone tomorrow.”

“None taken.” I whispered as he walked away.

**SIRIUS**

“A shot for the groom Tom!” I called as I walked into the Leaky Cauldron. “and a round of ale’s for the rest of the boys!”

James graciously accepted his libations. Remus crumpled to the table and mumbled something that sounded like “it’s 10 in the morning, Padfoot.”

“Exactly. I believe it’s called ‘brunch.’” I answered pushing his beer on him and Peter. “You don’t have a problem with beer at 10 am do you Wormtail?” Peter answered by taking a big gulp of his pint.

“Didn’t think so.” I smiled devilishly. I was in rare form today.

“I wasn’t aware there would be a bachelor party today.” Remus grumbled before taking the tiniest of sips.

“Bachelor party?” I was being insufferable on purpose. “I thought we were just getting fitted for our dress robes? Pete do you know anything about a bachelor party?”

“This is brunch.” Pete answered.

James cackled at our exchange and clapped Moony on the shoulder. “Awe just drink your beer Remus, live a little.”

He mumbled something again that sounded suspiciously like ‘about to be a father’ which I politely ignored.

“Did you guys hear about Regulus?” James asked.

“No?” Peter and Remus said.

“The sketchy bugger is a Death Eater now.”

I chugged my beer to hide my emotions.

Remus was looking at me sadly. Peter was fiddling with his napkin.

“Sirius Black?” A semi familiar voice questioned, breaking our awkward silence. I turned to face my caller and set eyes on a girl I hadn’t seen in years.

“Lizzie!”

“So you remember me then?” She said smiling her dimply smile.

“I never forget a dance partner.” I winked. “Are you still the belle of the ball?”

She snorted “I don’t know I ever was. How about yourself? Still a shameless slut?”

My turn to snort. My friends howled with laughter behind me. “Actually I’m married.”

“You’re barking, seriously?” She used my two favorite puns in the same sentence but, I bit my tongue. “to WHO?”

“Celine Bell…well Celine Black now.”

“I thought as much.” She smiled warmly.

“And they’re having a baby!” James hollered.

“Now you’re just teasing me, it was good to see you Sirius. Stay safe out there.”

“You too, Doll.” I winked again. I still got it. She headed into town.

“You don’t have shit.” James said, accurately reading the smug look on my face. I whacked him upside the head.

We finished our beers and playfully bantered all the way to Madam Malkins. I felt my age for the first time in a long time.

We burst into the store and Madame Malkin had quite the job getting us all into line. Even Remus had loosened up by now.

“What do you think?” Remus asked, holding up a pumpkin orange robe. “D’you think it would clash too much with Lily’s hair?”

“Lily’s hair is not orange!” James chided.

“Close enough.” He shrugged and put it back.

“Eyyy” I said holding up a purple velvet number with an astonishing hat to match.

“If it were up to me gents we’d all show up in these lovely garments but alas, the woman has the say doesn’t she.” James solemnly shook his head and looked off into the distance, remembering better, freer days. “Why do we do it?”

“For the sex, of course.” I answered.

Remus snorted “companionship, care, love?”

“You read too many novels. The correct answer is sex.”

“Sex is nice.” James agreed.

“Sex is nice!? NICE?! You are not having good enough sex if all you have to say about it is it’s _nice.”_

James, Remus, and Peter had changed into their perfectly ordinary (but no less dapper) black and white dress robes while I was ranting. I filed into the fitting room and stripped down.

“I’m having THE BEST sex out of all of you and my wife is nine months pregnant. I can’t believe it. You guys need to step it up. James you have no excuse, I taught you my technique years ago. You just send Lily over to our house and Celine will have a little chat with her – “

“Is there a Mr. Black here?!” Madame Malkin cried. Her voice was full of nerves and I ripped the curtain back not caring that I was in boxers and dress socks.

“Urgent letter from St. Mungos!”

I ripped it open and quickly scanned it’s contents.

“Celine’s in labor!” I ran in a circle trying to find all my belongings at once and only managed to keep spinning.

“Oh my god Celine’s having the baby. What day is it? Where are my pants!”

James pushed me into the dressing room and I pulled my clothes back on. When I ran out Peter handed me my wand and my wallet. I grabbed them at a run and sprinted out into Diagon Alley. Where I disapparated into an alley in muggle London. I emerged from the alley and looked left to right. The curse of a city boy: you don’t know what street _exactly_ everything is on, you just know where it is. I still had several blocks to go. I ran as fast as I could bumping people out of the way and dodging cars as I crossed streets. Padfoot would be in heaven right now and I wished I could transform. Four legs are faster than two.

I finally found the store front and melted into the glass. I ran to the front of the line to the displeasure of a witch belching bubbles. The Welcome Witch’s desk broke my run.

“Wife…in labor...” I panted, clutching a stitch in my side.

“3rd floor!” She said brightly. “Next!”

I ran to the lift and jammed the button. When the doors didn’t instantly close I jammed it again. I kept jamming it.

I suddenly realized I wasn’t in the lift alone. “I’m going to be a dad today.” I helpfully explained to the Healer tucked back in the corner.

“Merlin help you.” He answered.

I spilled out of the lift and tripped down the hall. I caught sight of shimmery blonde hair and the longest legs in London and skidded to a halt.

“Sirius!” She said, calm, cool, collected. “Did you run here darling?”

I kissed her hard, hard, hard.

An entire lifetime passed in the span of several hours and then a healer placed Astrid Black in my arms.


	7. Better Days

**Part 3**

**Celine**

It feels like the war is never going to end. Astrid’s first year of life we spent locked in an eternal stalemate with the Death Eaters. We won some, they won some, we lost a few people, they didn’t lose enough. Sirius and I never went on missions together anymore in a pitiful attempt to not make our daughter an orphan. I’d come home before dawn, dirty and broken, and find Sirius asleep in a chair or on a couch with Astrid curled up on his chest. Passed out in the same uncomfortable position he adopted to try and keep himself awake.

We turned our basement into a panic room for Moony so he wouldn’t have to stress about where to transform every month and his parents could finally settle down somewhere permanently.  I hoped we would never need it on any other night besides the full moon.

On one such night Sirius and I were lying awake with Astrid in between us. It was late and we were quiet. The moon was high in the sky and her light flooded in the room. Every so often a dull thud would travel from the basement to our ears on the second floor.  

“Celine?”

“Yea?”

“Sixth year…when I told Snape how to get passed the willow…”

“What about it darling?” I soothed.

“You stood by me.” He paused to find his words. “No one else did.”

“Love isn’t just for the good times. Neither is loyalty.”

He laughed loudly, cynically, wretchedly.

“Are the good times coming?”

I chuckled with him. Astrid stretched and kicked her legs between us. I rubbed her belly and sent tranquil vibes her way.

“I hope she has your laugh.” He whispered.

“I hope she has all your strength but, never needs to use it.” I whispered back.

He rolled on his side to face me. His hand joined mine on our baby. “When you stood by me Celine, that was everything.”

“We’ve had some good times.” I teased, one corner of my lips pulling up into a smirk. I ran my fingers through his hair and smoothed it away from his eyes. Two short strands fell right back down.

“Remember before I ran away and my parents cut me off, all the trips we would take to Paris on their dime.”

“I still don’t know how we never got caught sneaking out of Hogwarts on the weekends.” I mused. “Summer between 6th & 7th year.”

“The best.” He breathed, eyes shining with memory.

“Astrid being born.” I added, pulling us out of the past.

“James and Lily’s wedding.”

“Betting on Marlene’s love interests.”

“Fighting Fabian and Gideon.” He was smiling again.

“Your motorcycle.”

“My motorcycle.” He redundantly agreed, smile as big as the moon.

That late night conversation about our better days while our best friend rode out the full moon in our basement would come back to me often over the next year. I would remember it as our last good night. Because the next year would be infinitely worse.

The next morning I had just sat down with a cup of tea and the paper when Dumbledore knocked on my door. When I didn’t answer he let himself in. I ignored him and read the headlines.

“Good morning.” He said.

“Good morning.” I answered, pointedly turning the page to indicate I was not in the mood to entertain.

“Tea would be nice, I somehow forgot to make some this morning.”

I heard Cookie stir in the next room so I continued to read the paper. Exactly thirteen minutes of silence passed before Dumbledore tried again.

“I know you appreciate when people get to the point so I shall but truthfully, what I want to do more than persuade you to do something you don’t want to do, is to enjoy this cup of tea with you.”

I lowered my newspaper a fraction of an inch and eyed him for manipulation and/or deception. Dumbledore always had a trick up his sleeve. When all I detected was a tired old man looking to enjoy a cup of tea I folded the paper and loosened up. We talked about love.

When he drained his cup Cookie offered him another and he accepted. I did as well.

“Did you know they study love in the Department of Mysteries?” “No I didn’t.” My heart raced at this information.

“One of the most top secret departments of a very top secret department.”

I was slightly obsessed with Unspeakables. I loved the mystery.

“I’d think you would be just the type of person they would hire.” He commented.

I stared at him skeptically, suspiciously. “Maybe I am.”

Cookie led Astrid into the room just then. Dumbledore greeted her and she obligingly sat on his lap. Cookie handed Albus a bottle and he offered it to Astrid. I was pleasantly surprised at how natural he looked with a baby in his arm.

“We need you to use your powers, use your venom, Celine.”

“Mmmm, nah.”

“Are you saying if you were trapped, taken hostage, you wouldn’t use your powers to get home alive to Astrid? To Sirius?”

“I’d do something.”

He faced Astrid and watched her eat. “Divine strength.” He whispered. “Divine beauty.”

“That’s what we named her.” I snipped shortly.

Accurately sensing how thin my patience was getting, he handed Astrid over to me and cupped her cheek sweetly before straightening his spine. “Voldemort wants the Veela to fight for him. You are on his radar. James and Lily are on his radar. Many of your closest friends are considered high interest. You could help and you’re choosing not to.”

“Lily is having a baby.” I said.

This news devastated him. Alice and Frank Longbottom were having a baby too. All his best soldiers were having kids and needing to slow down. I let him think he could hide his true feelings.

“Let Astrid start school with baby Potter. It won’t hurt her any starting a year later.”

“Use your powers.” He countered.

 _‘Fuck off’_ I thought. “Goodbye Albus.” Is what I said.

***

 “Kreacher! Get the gifts please!” Mrs. Black called. “Astrid come to Grandmama.” Astrid was new to walking but, was already showing us that she is not a young lady who backs down from a challenge. The vast length of the parlor floor was nothing with the promise of her grandmother’s outstretched arms at the other end. She made it to Walburga without so much as a trip and smiled with delight as she was pulled onto grandma’s lap and showered with hugs and kisses.

“I’ve never seen you so maternal, Mother.” Regulus snarked from the corner. The corners of my lips twitched.

Regulus was thin and stressed but this was hidden well under perfectly tailored robes and a naturally good complexion. When I looked at him my shoulders felt heavy and I wondered what weight he was carrying around on them. I always imagined Death Eaters to have not a care in the world.

Walburga ignored him. Astrid had just celebrated her first birthday and our visit today was to celebrate that with her grandmother. A week ago, Walburga had written and _told_ me Regulus would be here as well. When I first laid eyes on Regulus I could tell he didn’t come here as a Death Eater but, as an Uncle, and I was ok with that.

Kreacher opened the door and Astrid’s gifts floated in and settled in a neat pile by my seat. Astrid wiggled down from her grandmother’s lap, anticipating mischief, I pulled her Wanda Witch dolls from my bag. Astrid took them from me and toddled across the expensive Persian rug (which I highly suspected was a flying carpet at one point in time) and deposited her dolls in Regulus’ lap.

“Da!” She said.

“Uncle Reg” Regulus insisted.

“Resh” She tried.

Regulus picked up Vinny Vampire and slid to the floor. Astrid grabbed it back and pushed Wanda Witch into his hand.

“Don’t worry.” I said “She doesn’t really play with them yet just knocks them around and chews on their heads. The Death Eaters will never know you had to play Wanda.” I was joking but, Regulus jumped. However, he recovered so quickly I almost thought I was mistaken.

“Does Sirius know you’re here?” He answered instead. I sighed deeply as I opened the first of Astrid’s gifts. A silver rattle with the Black family crest on it.

“Sirius knows I take Astrid here to visit her Grandmother. He doesn’t like it and doesn’t understand why I feel it’s important.” Walburga rolled her eyes so I dug back. “Frankly, he can’t believe his mother acknowledges Astrid as her kin, and neither can I, despite this, I will never keep Astrid from people who love her.”

Walburga smiled as Astrid handed her one of her Wanda dolls and I knew I was doing the right thing.

The afternoon passed peacefully enough. Astrid now had a small fortune in baby jewelry and dresses (baby jewelry??). Regulus was completely converted to Uncle-hood. Astrid delighted in affection and Regulus, being a Black, was naturally starved for hugs and kisses. His eyes shone with something good and pure when Astrid finally managed to shout out “Reg!” The clock struck and I made up a bottle. I handed it to Regulus and soaked in the light before we left and the dark took back over.

“Atleast I get to see _one_ of my sons with a baby.” Walburga complained. “Regulus I had lunch with the Fawley’s yesterday.”

Regulus and I locked eyes for a second and looked away. It’s like she doesn’t even know there’s a war going on. That’s the perk of being a pureblood I suppose, no matter what happens you’re good.

Regulus settled the sleeping Astrid in her carrier. I stood to gather our things.

“Shame about your friend.”

I snapped up “What are you talking about.”

“My mistake.” He said slowly, his smile carving his face.

I turned away from him and finished packing up. I breathed slow and deep, my thoughts racing. He left the room and I heard him ascend the stairs and open his bedroom door. I was jittery and sparking. I had to know what he was talking about. My fingers twitched as the Veela reminded me she was there. I levitated Astrid’s gifts down the stairs ahead of me and quickly followed after them with Astrid’s carrier safely in my hand. I deposited them all in the foyer and when I heard Regulus’ door open and his light step on the stair I made my decision.

I quickly and silently scaled the first staircase and when I turned the corner on the landing my venom hit Regulus like a freight train.

“Hey” I purred getting in his space until he was backed against the wall.

“Heeeeey” He slurred, shoulders gently thumping against the wall to help support the weight his hips no longer would.

I saw my venom curling around his neck as I locked eyes with him. “You weren’t going to let me leave without saying goodbye were you?”

“Never” he assured.

“Good” I whispered leaning even closer and placing my hands on the wall behind him. He wrapped his arms around my waist and the Veela pushed me closer, dying for touch. I struggled internally as I melted into Regulus’ chest. I wanted to back up, chicken out, run. Then the words that got Regulus in this position echoed in my head:

_‘Shame about your friend’_

 “Why don’t you come see me anymore Reg?” I pouted.

“I’ve got a big job to do.”

“It’s so lonely without you.” I whispered into his ear, my lips just brushing the lobe. “It’s so hard to know who to trust these days.”

“I know who to trust.” He insisted.

“Who can I trust?” My lips begged him.

“Me.” His eyes were locked on my lips.

“Can I trust my friends?”

He laughed and didn’t answer.

I licked my lips and waited.

“One of them you can’t.”

I stepped out of the floo and set the baby carrier, with a mercifully still sleeping Astrid, on the carpet. The information I had just gathered from Regulus was clanging around inside me, destroying me, and I was not certain I could keep it together for another second. I entered the kitchen and gripped the edge of the sink, not sure if I was going to be sick or not. I opened my mouth and breathed. Calm breaths turned ragged and shaky and I violently fought back the urge to break something.

“Sirius!” I hollered.

His heavy steps echoed throughout the house as he rushed to the kitchen.

“What! What happened?!” He looked about him for clues to my distress.

“Get Dumbledore.”

“Celine darling, what is it?”

“GET DUMBLEDORE!”

He cast his Patronus and I watched the dog run into nothingness. I still felt sultry and devious and dirty. I wanted to shower and scrub my skin till it turned red but this couldn’t wait.

Sirius tried to touch me and I swatted him away.

“Don’t” he insisted and pulled me to him before I could protest again. He held me tight and I relented. “I’m right here.” He whispered. The sound of his heart beating under my ear and the familiar way his arms held me replaced the unclean feelings with serenity. I breathed deep the scent of his clean T shirt and the hint of leather oil that never really went away.

“Always right here.” He whispered again. His hand slid up and cupped my cheek and I held it there with my own.

There was a knock on the door and I rushed to open it. Dumbledore swooped in, impressive as always.

“What has happened?” He asked.

“I used my magic.” I divulged.

You could hear a pin drop in the room.

**SIRIUS**

The first loss we suffered as a direct result of the spy among us was Fabian, Gideon, and Doc. The trio were completely ambushed and they fought valiantly. The Death Eaters took three of our own but, they lost triple that and countless more were injured. Their murders had an effect on the Order like the killing of archduke Ferdinand had on the world. I bawled like a baby when I found out. Then got dangerously wrecked and cried some more.

I had never been to a double funeral (it wouldn’t be my last.) You do not want to go to a double funeral. The funeral parlor had a line out the door. The majority of the people there had been to Caradoc’s the day before and looked exhausted and emotionally drained. The guys and I hung in the back and observed. I knew they, like me, couldn’t let the thought of the spy go for a second. Even for a funeral. It was freeing knowing that at least I knew I could trust the three men beside me, no one else in the order could say that.

The young Weasley boys were here, in the front sitting room mostly. Molly and Arthur were in the front row with the rest of the Prewetts, their most recent son only born a few weeks earlier. Celine and I had left Astrid with my mother. Billy Weasley will have enough kids to keep track of. She had insisted. I took a swig from my flask and passed it to James, who passed it to Remus, who passed it to Peter.

I scanned the room for the girls and found them in the last row. Lily and Celine flanked Marlene like guardian angels. They were sitting so close all their knees were touching. Black dresses, black stockings, black heels. Marlene looked like a victim of the Dementor’s Kiss. Vacant, empty, lost.

She suddenly dissolved into tears and sank onto Lily’s shoulder. Celine rubbed her back. Molly threw a look over her shoulder and Lily rankled. Lily pulled Marlene to her feet and the three girls clicked by, heading to the exit.

“That’s it for me.” Pete said handing me back my flask.

“Where you headed?” James asked.

“Promised I’d help my mum out today. I can’t do funerals.” He shook his head and looked away.

“I hear ya Petey” James said clapping him on the shoulder. “Stay safe out there, mate.”

Remus stretched and groaned in the way he only did during a Waxing Gibbous.

“I’m done too…I’m just, done.” He shook his head and closed red, puffy eyes.

“One for the road?” I asked. He took a long pull and left.

James was hailed by a group of his relatives and I was left alone. I thought about the first night I met Fabian and Gideon. It was our first Order meeting and Doc nearly cried with relief when he saw four young new recruits.

“I love the guys but I’m old and tired.” Caradoc had grunted as we made our way to the bar. Doc introduced us all, bought us a round, and went home to get some well earned sleep. We got along famously and the drinks flowed freely. Fab and Gid were arguing good naturedly when the name ‘Marlene Mckinnon’ reached my ears.

“Oy!” I hollered. Stumbling over to the brothers.

“Whatchu know about Mckinnon?” I slurred.

“More than you.” Gideon leered.

I barked out a laugh. “Fat chance, I fucked Mckinnon when I was 16.”

I didn’t even see Gideon’s fist coming at me.

Then he stood me back up so Fabian could knock me out next.

I blinked the stars out of my eyes and the boys were brushing the dirt from my robes.

“Adam let’s get the champ a beer, yeah?” Fabian called to the bartender.

“Listen mate, we’ve all walked the walk with Marlene ok but, let’s protect her honor alright?” Gideon said.

A snarky comeback formulated in my brain but I was too dazed to spit it out. Which in hindsight probably saved my life.

“And let this be a lesson.” Fabian said, handing me a beer. “that we will straighten you out every time you run that big mouth of yours.”

And straighten me out they did, more times than I’d care to admit.

**CELINE**

I had so many things to say but all of it died on my tongue. I just kept smoking my cigarette instead. Lily and Marlene were sitting on the garden bench in front of me. Lily was developing the nervous habit of rubbing her stomach, as if her palm could protect her baby from the big bad world. Marlene had her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. A cigarette was burning between her index and middle finger but she wasn’t smoking it. Lily’s arm was threaded through hers.

The door opened and Sirius spilled out. I traded him a cigarette for his flask. His arms snaked around me from behind and I leaned against his chest, allowing him to hold me up and keep me close and safe. Which I think we both needed.

Marlene sat up straight and held her hand out for the flask. I passed it her way and she gulped it down.

“I’m going to visit my sister in Belfast….Then I’m going home to Armagh.”

“For how long?” I asked quietly.

“For good. I’m done.”

“Marlene...just take some time, rest…” Lily offered.

“No Lily. I’m done. I won’t be next.”

Lily looked from me, to Sirius, and back again. I didn’t know what to say.

“I won’t be here, where he… where _they_ … are everywhere. I pass their apartment on my way to work for fuck’s sake.” She drew in a shaky breath and tossed her forgotten cigarette.

“I can’t live where Fabian died.”


	8. Goodbyes of Every Kind and Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I got so depressed over fictional characters writing this! The Marauder's were a tragedy!

Fabian, Gideon, and Caradoc’s ambush was not the last. Every several weeks someone else was dying, disappearing, martyred. During our hasty and secretive Order meetings I imagined a sneaky mouse listening in on our plans, a mole hiding beneath our feet with his ear to the ceiling of his tunnel, the squirrel in the bird feeder was watching us. My eyes were always peeled for the spy. I made everyone uncomfortable with my staring but, I couldn’t find him or her. We were all acting nervous and shifty and shady so no one stood out.

And time passed.

The six of us got together at Harry’s first birthday party for the first time in ages. I was filled with panic at the idea of all of us being in the same room together and being picked off like cockroaches but, I swallowed it and smiled instead. When Harry and Astrid went down for a nap we made our plans to go into hiding. There wasn’t a dry eye among us as we said our goodbyes. I hugged James’ skinny body to my own and he picked me up and twirled me around.

“Godric you’re heavy.” He panted.

“I’m five foot _ten_ James did you expect me to be light as a pixie?”

“And she’s top heavy.” Sirius snickered.

“I’m not going to miss this _at_ _all._ ”

I wrapped my arms around Peter and hugged him tight. “Take care of yourself Petey.”

“I will.” He said into my shoulder.

“I want to see you on the other side.” I insisted, kissing his cheek.

I moved onto Remus. I fell into his arms and let his energy roll over me. “You know where we are, don’t transform some place unsafe, just come.” I choked out.

“I will.” He rasped.

I let him kiss my forehead before turning to Lily who was casually sobbing into Sirius’ shoulder. I touched her back and she turned and collapsed into me. I matched her hug and waves of tears fell from my own eyes. The guys shook hands and hugged and whispered things amongst themselves but still, I clung to Lily. Sirius and James tried to ease us apart but we weren’t having it. I was panicked at the idea of separating from her, my best friend, my _sister_. Finally, Sirius grabbed my shoulders and gently but firmly, pulled me away.

When we arrived home and I collapsed into my bed I was certain, of all the things I have had to do over the years, this was by far the hardest.

***

The night it happened Sirius and I were sitting on our front porch cuddled together under a blanket and enjoying the chilly Halloween night. His arm was around my shoulders and my arms were looped around his waist. I remember clearly breathing him in and feeling happy before I looked up into his eyes and told him so. He would then press his lips to mine and it would be the last time for close to thirteen years.

Mad-eye’s patronus landed in front of us and spoke the news. Sirius leapt out of my arms and bounded out onto the lawn. Our blanket flying out behind him and getting snagged in the Hydrangeas that had long since gone dormant for the winter. I screamed at him to go, I’ll take care of Astrid and I’d fine him.

_Go! I’ll find you!_ Pounded a refrain in my ears as I scrambled to get Astrid and her things together. His motorcycle revved to life and his shadow cut across the windows of Astrid’s room. Cookie appeared and I implored her to stay safe and do what she needs to if anyone comes knocking. “I love you Cookie!” I cried and she said she loved me too.

I disapparated. When I appeared outside of number 12 Astrid immediately started screaming. Babies don’t like to apparate. I silenced her with a charm and my stomach twisted in guilt that I used a spell on her. I pounded on the door of the Black family home. Kreacher answered as usual.

“My mistress does not receive visitors at this time!” Kreacher croaked.

I shoved Astrid’s things into his arms and set Astrid down on the sofa. “There’s no time to explain Kreacher! I have to go! WALBURGA!” I hollered “ASTRID IS HERE I WILL EXPLAIN LATER.”

I ran back out the door and turned on my heel at the gate. Everywhere I went that night in search of Sirius, it seemed he had just left. Parties everywhere. Celebration everywhere. Parties I should be attending with Sirius and James and Lily and the Prewetts and Doc and _Marlene_ and Dorcus and bloody Benjy Fenwick for Godric’s sake. Even more distressing than the fact that I couldn’t find Sirius was Harry’s location. We had to find Harry!

The next morning, I tumbled into the town where Peter was in hiding with his mother thinking I’d try his house. I had just turned towards the main road when I heard Peter’s voice, loud and clear.

“James and Lily, Sirius?! How could you!”

NO.

I ran towards the main road. Sirius was saying something and Peter was answering but I couldn’t hear over the pounding of my feet and the beating of my heart.

I turned another corner and saw them. Sirius’ back was to me and Peter was facing him across the street. A crowd had gathered and was watching. I kept running.

I kept running, until a massive explosion stopped me dead in my tracks.

I was shook from head to toe but, my brain that was pumped full of adrenaline put the pieces of this puzzle together faster than I ever would have in normal circumstances and one word bubbled up to the surface.

“RAAAAATTTTTT!” I screeched and ran into the crater in the street, keeping that worm like tail in my site. “RAT!” I screamed again so loud I thought my esophagus would collapse. I ran past Sirius who was laughing like a lunatic on the street. Rolling around on his back like he was absolutely cracked. Like Padfoot in the grass after too long in the city.

I scrambled over asphalt and metal and humans with glassy eyes and started tossing rocks aside where I _know_ that fucking rat had found a place to hide. My nails broke and my fingers bled but I pushed forward. I wished Sirius would shut up so I could listen for scratching and squeaking and “HE’S A FUCKING RAT!” expelled from my very soul one last time before three stunners hit me in my back and all was black before I even hit the ground.

***

 I woke up three days later in St. Mungo’s.

I wearily sat up and grabbed for my head. Everything was shifting and swimming as my blood was made to pump vertically for the first time in how long. There were two WP’s at my door who, upon seeing me rise, signaled to a Healer. The Healer entered, began her examination, and said nothing.

“Am I alright?” I asked kindly.

This seemed to soften her some and she answered “seems it.”

“How many stunners hit me?” I asked, memories swirling to the surface.

 “We’re pretty certain three.”

“Will I be able to leave today? My daughter has been at my mother-in-law’s, she is probably wondering where I’ve got to.”

“Oh, she knows.” The Healer said mystically.

“Did someone owl her?”

“Stop playing dumb _Mrs_. _Black._ ” All professional pretense dropped.

“Excuse you” I snapped “what day is it then?”

“November fourth”

My first feeling was a pang in my heart that I missed Sirius’ birthday. My second feeling was adrenaline oozing out of my brain and flooding the rest of my body as the reality of my situation became painfully, obviously clear.

My rude Healer signed my chart and snapped it shut, interrupting my thoughts.

“The head Auror will be here shortly to interrogate you and then you’ll be free to go…from the hospital at least.”

I laid back down in my bed, frozen in shock. Peter was the spy. Peter Pettigrew of all the fucking people in this world. Energy curled around my fists and the hint of flames tingled in my palms. Hot angry tears burned my eyes and face at the _betrayal._

And James and Lily were dead.

The thought felt like a pillow over my face and I gasped.

Harry.

“Save your tears, girl.” Mad-Eye Moody grunted.

“Who has Harry? Is he safe? Mad-Eye?”

“Why are you so keen on Harry’s location.” He said through narrowed eyes.

“Alastor are you serious right now? James and Lily are dead! Harry is 100 percent my responsibility! I have the right to know where he is!”

“You forfeited that right when your husband became a spy and a murder!” He yelled. “How long have you known!”

“WHAT” I yelled back, getting to my feet. “Pettigrew is the spy! Sirius went to find _him._ ”

“Oh he got you good didn’t he girl.” He turned to the rude Healer who had just re-entered the room. “What was it?” He asked her “Confundus Charm? Imperius curse?”

The Healer answered in the negative. “He didn’t ‘get me’ Mad-Eye he wasn’t the spy it was Peter and don’t act like you don’t know my name. Don’t act like we haven’t been through a WAR together.”

“Peter Pettigrew is dead. The biggest bit we found of him was a finger thanks to your husband. The murderer you’ve been protecting!”

I stopped talking and breathed deep. Big heaving breaths. I stared Alastor Moody right in his eye and he stared back. Goosebumps pimpled the miles of skin my paper hospital gown left exposed. I waited for the Healer to leave.

“Peter Pettigrew is an Animagus. He can turn into a rat.”

Mad-Eye laughed harder and crazier than Sirius did when Peter framed him for murder.

I swear to Rowena Ravenclaw I almost transformed right then and there and eviscerated him. I could feel the ghost of wings stretching beneath my shoulders. My face felt hard as a beak. I thought of the only time I ever saw my mother transform and how terrifying it was. How perfect it would be to scare the fearless Mad-Eye Moody.

“Merlin’s Beard Celine you ever hear of Stockholm Syndrome? That’s what you got.”

I remembered a time, long ago now, when Mad-Eye stood up at an Order meeting and praised me for my intellect and bravery during a very successful mission. Now he thought I was a joke. A lovesick fool who played right into Sirius Black’s hands.

“Am I free to go or not Mad-Eye. I need to get my daughter before Walburga Black claims I abandoned her and I lose my daughter too.”

“Here’s the deal.” He said, back to business. “I’ll let you leave to get your daughter if you agree to questioning with Veriteserum.”

“I have nothing to hide.” I said.

“Like hell you don’t.” He said in a low growl.

I turned away from him and began gathering my things.

At the door he said “Oh and one more thing…Innocent people don’t run.”

When the door banged shut behind him I ripped my gown off and hurried to get dressed. I slipped through the shadows and made it out of the hospital without being noticed. Out on the street, I picked up the pace again and hurried to Grimmauld place. When Kreacher opened the door for me he led me into the foyer and told me to stay there.

“Madame will not be seeing you today.” He sneered.

A few minutes later he returned with Astrid who looked happy and spoiled in layers of ribbons and petticoats. She called to me and hugged me tight. She had a neatly folded Daily Prophet from November first in her hand. I whispered to her to hold it tight as I got her coat on. I asked Kreacher to thank Mrs. Black and hurried out the door. Several streets over I finally stopped to breathe. I held Astrid close to me and whispered how much I missed her. She and I sank to the curb of the quiet street.  I took the prophet from her and unfolded it.

Plastered across the front page was a picture of the blown up street and Sirius on the ground laughing. I read every word. The story continued on another page and when I opened to it, my own figure screaming and digging through rubble before being stunned into oblivion assaulted my eyes. I was quoted as screaming “rat” and misinterpreted as talking about my husband.

I read and re read the paragraph that inaccurately described my thoughts and feelings. I would never trust anything I read ever again.

_As if more evidence was needed to prove his guilt, the beautiful and mysterious Mrs. Sirius Black arrived at the scene just a moment before her husband cast his curse. Upon seeing what her husband had done she screamed “Rat! He’s a rat!” Celine Black then proceeded to run into the wreckage presumably to find her childhood friend and assist him. The Auror’s on scene, unaware of Mrs. Black’s intentions or the extent of her knowledge of her husband’s crimes, elected to stun her. She is currently stable at St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries at this time._

I surreptitiously wiped away a tear so Astrid wouldn’t see.

“Astrid darling” I smiled down at her. “How about we go to Auntie Andy’s.”

“Yeaaa!” She cheered.

“Ok we’re going to go.” I picked her up and held her tight in my arms.

“Oneeee” I said spinning in a circle.

“Twooo” I spun again, delighting in her giggles.

‘Threeee” I spun around and when the circle completed we disappeared with a crack.

When we popped back into existence near Andromeda’s she began screaming immediately. I soothed and shushed and whispered it was ok.

“We’re fine darling. We can’t be crying! Dora will want to play!”

At the mention of Nymphadora’s name her tears were replaced with joy.

I knocked on the door and Ted’s heavy footsteps approached the door.

His face fell when he saw me. “Damnit Celine!” He looked left, then right, before pulling me inside. “Dromeda!” He called.

Andromeda entered the room and she was impossible to read, largely in part to her mastery of Resting Bitch Face.

 “So help me if you’re a fugitive of the law I will _kill_ you.”

“Now Andy, when you say things like that you sound like Bellatrix.” The corners of her lips twitched. “and that RBF doesn’t help.”

“Bella _wishes_.” She contended. Scooping down to hug Astrid. “Nymphadora! Astrid is here!”

Dora appeared and took Astrid into the next room at her mother’s request.

“What’s going on? Are you in trouble?”

“No…I don’t know…I have to get to the ministry and find Sirius. I have to find Harry. Can you please keep Astrid for awhile? I have no idea how long I-“

Andromeda shushed me with a hand on my shoulder.

“Go” She permitted and I left.

**SIRIUS**

Three days I sat in a holding cell at the Ministry of Magic while every employee ran around like chickens with their heads cut off. Secretaries ran in panicky circles as their bosses sent them here and there and everywhere. Interdepartmental memos flapped tirelessly back and forth and back again. Journalists were in their glory and it wasn’t hard to grab a newspaper as they walked, flew, or slid past the bars of my cell.

Despite the utter chaos the predominant vibe of every. Last. Person. Was pure ecstasy at the fall of Lord Voldemort. Witches and wizards hugged and high fived and talked excitedly about relatives who could _finally_ come home, _finally_ come out of hiding. We all could finally breathe. And the parties.

I should be attending those parties.

I fought my ass off.

I suffered for the cause.

Instead, I was sitting in a cell waiting for someone to bail me out. I had not idea if my wife was ok. Where Astrid was. I wanted to grieve with Remus and Celine. I wanted to shout and punch a Prewett in the face. I wanted to ride my motorcycle off the face of the Earth. Instead, I sat in calm silence, and watched the world celebrate without me.

Barty Crouch came with some top auror’s and muscley WP’s the day after my birthday. The muscley WP’s made me think of Gideon and my heart broke for the 87th time in four days. The busy and bustling department was quiet. It was evening and most ministry employees were gone for the day. One of the Wizarding Policeman waved his wand and the bars to my cell melted away. The other waved his wand and conjured shackles around my wrists.

“Where are we going?” I asked calmly. “Where is my wife?”

The WP’s turned me down the hall and at the very end were two Dementors.

Immediately, I struggled. The policeman’s grips tightened on my biceps and the aurors held up their wands. I picked my legs up and held them high like Fabian taught me. The WP’s struggled to keep from dropping me to the ground. Mad-Eye grabbed a fistful of my hair and stabbed his wand in my back.

“There’ll be none of that now sonny.” He growled in my ear.

I tripped over my feet and somehow managed to get them in order. As I was marched down that hall to my doom one thought pulsed through my brain.

_I think I loved her then._

On her sixteenth birthday, when I was stopped dead by her daring and the sight of her lengthy legs on either side of my motorcycle.

_I think I loved her when,_

We made out under the stars and the moon stripped away her anger and her sadness before she stripped off her clothes.

_I know I loved her_

In the grey hours of the early morning when the world was not yet waking but, not really sleeping either, and she would appear. Those mornings where we would be snuggled up in each other’s warmth before the demands of the castle pulled us from our peace.

_I loved her still_

When the Veela was present. When she changed from happy to wrathful and back again before lunch was through. When she demanded I stay in bed and love her all day. When she preened and pouted and purred and popped off.

_I loved her most_

When she gave me Astrid. The most precious gift I have ever been given. A gift we didn’t even know we wanted, or needed, until she was here.

My last thought before I was handed to the Dementors was how I would kill to feel the pull of her fingers through my hair and the burn of her lips, one last time.

**Epilogue**

If I closed my eyes right now I could still evoke the feeling of Sirius Black grabbing my hips and pulling them to his. And it was summer days like this, on the porch we grew up on, that brought those memories to the surface. There was always something magical about the way our hips fit together. Time heals a lot of things but this, was not one of them.

The first year after Sirius was gone I learned pretty fast that no one wanted to find out the truth. Voldemort was gone. No one wanted to admit they may have made a mistake. Especially when all the puzzles pieces fit if you pushed them together hard enough. The louder I spoke the more I was accused of being bewitched, Confunded, stupid. The only thing I could get anyone to agree with me on was that Sirius should have been given a trial but, no one cared to fight for him. Lawyers laughed me out of their offices but, it wasn’t until Remus and Dumbledore sat me down and told me to stop that I knew my situation was hopeless.

It was Mad-Eye who told me Dumbledore had made a decision to send Harry to a relative’s. I wanted Dumbledore to look me in the eye and tell me he sent Harry to Petunia Dursley’s against Lily and James’ wishes. When he did I went ballistic. I felt a transformation coming on strong and I pushed it down _so_ _hard_. I had been called a fool all week and I wasn’t about to let this man see me transform and discredit me just like everyone else.

It took so much energy to fight off the transformation I threw up in his trash bin.

“I thought we agreed you weren’t going to do that anymore, Celine.” He said sadly. My arms and forehead were resting on the wall as I breathed through the nausea. His words provoked me all over again and my fingernails cut deep into his wallpaper as I turned on him again.

“Petunia Dursley will _never_ love Harry as her own!” I screamed. “She is dead with jealousy of our world. She TORTURED Lily! Why do you think Lily wanted Harry with _me!_ ”

“You and Sirius.” He said, simply.

“Excuse me.” I hissed.

“You, and Sirius, not just you,”

I giggled in disbelief. “So that’s the loophole you found is it? That’s how you legally got Harry to his aunt and uncle’s.”

He remained quiet. Same simple expression. Not mad or sad or guilty. The expression of a man who thinks he is right in his actions.

“I’m going to leave before I do something that can’t be undone.” I said getting to my feet after a long silence. “Don’t ask me for anything, ever again.”

“Goodbye, Celine.” He said, sadly this time.  

Remus and I mourned for a long time. Holed up in my house, whoever felt strong enough to get out of bed, cared for Astrid. We kept the windows closed. Smoked instead of ate.

But Astrid needed us. So, we got up.

I have never leaned on someone so much as I have leaned on Remus and him, on me. Slowly but surely, the world righted. Remus watched Astrid while I trained to be an Unspeakable in exchange for room and board. It was the two of us against the world. He was my best friend, my companion, my rock.

What he was not was a husband.

But that was years ago now. Years where Remus Lupin filled in as father when Astrid needed it. Years spent with the Tonks’ and Malfoy’s and Walburga Black instead of The Potter’s and Prewett’s and Longbottom’s.

 And the years carried us to this moment, Astrid running around in the yard with half the Weasley brood, the day before she boards the Hogwarts express for the first time. Ron would be starting school as well and hopefully, if we were lucky, we would see Harry Potter again. We were all too excited to sleep that night. Remus and I sat on either side of her bed and told her every story we could think of from our own school days. She gasped and laughed and cheered at the mischievous parts. It was on this night, looking at my daughter’s hand in Remus’ instead of her father’s, that I felt my heart look towards the future with hope instead of hindrance.

Maybe, another Hogwarts adventure, is what I needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got another story up my sleeve 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this one :D


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